Day 12

Up all night worrying how to fit everything into my case. I headed out early to try to buy a second case and between horrendously high prices and every fucker being closed, I got nowhere. I returned to the hotel in a panic and Kay took me back out to Macy's where I managed to get a Samsonite case for $40. Followed an hour of packing and then we rather easily checked out of the hotel. We then had to wait an hour for Primetime to show up. Their excuse was "we don't call international numbers when there is a problem"... On the way to the airport, we saw a car wreck with a rather prominent corpse. That upset Kay. I was already very tearful to be leaving my home again.

Checking in at the airport was fun. My one case was over weight and I had to pay $45. I was about to pay when the woman said it was only over by 4lbs so I could quickly switch some stuff around. She told we to weigh some stuff and then put it in Kay's bag. She absolutely loved my Betsey Johnson shoes...

The flight home was super quick but the plane was full of assholes and the vegan meal BA gave me contained egg. Whatever.

Bus back to Newport was also rather uneventful. I slept most of the way.

Newport fucking bus station, though! As soon as we got off the bus, all the inbred tards started harassing us (to the point where I offered to beat the fuck out of one in front of everyone). What's wrong with these people? Everyone in LA was so nice but Newport is just crawling with twats.

Went home and gave out all my gifts to my family and then slept for 15 hours. Back at work the following Monday. I had literally been in my office an hour when I booked a fortnight off in September/October.

We fly to Los Angeles September 27th.

Mike wont get away this time...

Day 11

Our last full day in LA. My last chance to see Mike.

Off to Pasadena to hit the Macy's sale. I bought Fuzzynation bags for my nieces plus a silver Betseyville bag for myself. The nice lady on the checkout gave us a discount voucher seeing as we were visiting from out of town. We also went over to DSW where I got 3 pairs of Betsey Johnson shoes for $120 in the sale (my receipt showed I had saved $514... not bad...). Another lovely lady on the checkout got a manager to authorise an extra $5 discount because it had been my birthday the week before. This is what makes me love LA so much. Kay bought some heels too but I forget what they were like.

Catching the bus back to LA and I still didn't find Mike. The driver was rather hot, though, and our outrageous flirting seemed to brighten his day...

Dropped our stuff off at the hotel and then Kay went to buy some postcards while I went to Macy's at the Plaza. I got a pair of stunning Jessica Simpson heels for $50. Also picked up a very beautiful Betsey Johnson bracelet for $30.

One final dash to CPK where the waiter was a dipshit and Kay made me laugh by ordering "Badger Tortillers" instead of "Baja Tortillas"... Walking back to the hotel, some homeless guy dropped his pants right in front of us. That was funny, especially when Kay screamed...

I went back to the hotel and attempted to pack, discovering that there was no way in hell that all my crap would fit in my case... Kay went downstairs and got off with the boy from the front desk. He'd managed to piss me off the night before when my complaints about the roaches in our room went ignored but Kay still couldn't resist...

I love LA so much.

But I never saw Mike.

Day 10

Straight into Pasadena today to pick up that Betseyville bag I saw yesterday. Then off to Hollywood to do touristy shopping. I built myself a bear and called him Mike... Dropped the stuff off at the hotel and then down to Broadway to buy t-shirts for Kay's family. Then dinner at CPK. An uneventful day but at least I was shopping...

Day 9

So today we went down Valley for foot massages and ended up at Oriental Natural Treatment.

I found this place totally by accident. I had a list of foot massage places on Valley and we were intending to go to whichever one looked the nicest. However, the bus was crowded and I had the meanest lady ever repeatedly hit me with her purse so we jumped off at the next stop. We had a wander around and this was the only place we could see so very nervously decided to go in.

Now, I was absolutely terrified; I don't like being touched and I especially don't like people looking at my feet. However, I wanted to show Kay as many different sides of LA as I could so we had to do this. Kay was even worse than me as she has the same issues plus she didn't actually know what was going on (I'd read Yelp reviews in advance).

We were greeted by a very nice man who said hello and laughed when Kay walked into the door and nearly tore down one of the blinds. He led us straight into a private room with two huge recliner chairs, foot stools, and a flat screen TV that was originally showing the news in Chinese but he changed it to some soap. I would have preferred the news but Kay enjoyed staring at the hot boys on the tele. We made ourselves comfortable while he brought us buckets of incredibly hot water with tea bags and various herbs floating in them. Kay's wasn't too bad but I have sensitive skin and I felt like my feet would just fall off. He offered me some cold water but I didn't want to inconvenience him so I said it was fine. I need to be tougher after all.

He pointed to the foot stool so I flipped round and immediately felt the strongest vice-like grip on my shoulders ever. Kay said afterwards that I looked scared. He really worked my shoulders and back. I go see an osteopath who derives great pleasure from grinding her elbows into my lower back. This guy would have put her to shame. I'm sure I passed out for a few moments. I don't think I have ever felt such extreme pain that felt so GOOD.

After about 10 minutes of me wincing and biting my lip, another man arrived and started working on Kay. That stopped her laughing. Mine squeezed the back of my neck hard which I really don't like as I broke my neck when I was a teenager and now no one in the entire universe is allowed to touch my neck. I was convinced I would wake up stiff but I was fine after.

I was transferred back to the chair for a head and arm massage. My sunburn really didn't appreciate this but, again, I fought the pain. I noticed the two men were looking at my chest quite intently. Turns out I had worn a t-shirt with Chinese characters on it. I only bought it because there was a tiger on it and I had no idea what it meant but they translated it for me. They were also fascinated by my TokyoFlash watch; I have one of those that doesn't have a dial or numbers but LED lights instead and you have to basically learn a code in order to tell the time. I'm sure they were asking each other what was the point of that but I didn't understand... They informed Kay that the tattoos she had on her forearm that she thought said "mam" and "dad" actually said "water" and "harmony". I laughed like a drain because I had repeatedly told her that they did not say what she thought they did. Serves her right for going to some dodgy Welsh tattooist.

Kay's back was done about 5 minutes after mine (I got 25 minutes, she got 20) and then the foot massages started. Now, I mentioned a leg injury earlier. I am absolutely covered in tattoos. A few nights previously, what I hope was a mosquito bit me on one of my tattoos and my tattoo immediately swelled up and went all red and ucky. It's hard to explain to people that you are just that sensitive to stuff. One of the staff in Famima's thought it was a fresh tattoo so I decided to say that if anyone stared at it in disgust. My chair was reclined completely back and then they went quiet. I looked up to see them both staring at my gross calf. I said it was a fresh tattoo and they looked at me as if to say "that ain't no tattoo". My guy asked me if it hurt as he poked it and I said yes so he continued to poke it. However, he was very good and avoided touching it for the rest of the session (except when he very gently dried it for me).

Followed the best foot and leg massage ever. He did all sorts of weird and wonderful things to my toes. I especially liked being poked in the heels and slapped. That's just me, though...

Only uncomfortable parts were when he touched a certain area on my big toes and that hurt because I suffer with arthritis and when he really ground his fingers into my shins. Even my knees and thighs had a good work-over which my knees especially appreciated after 8 days of running all over LA in flipflops.

Kay was disappointed that her session was shorter (she got an hour, I got an hour 10). Also mine did things that hers didn't that she would have liked.We paid our $15 plus tip and then floated out of there. I will so be back. Never thought I'd find love in Alhambra...

We headed into Pasadena so I could have a quick look in Ross. I bought some Betsey Johnson makeup bags and a purse for my mom. I also fell in love with the most amazing Betseyville bag but I resisted getting it...

Back to LA and dinner at CPK and then we spent the evening watching wonderful shows like For The Love Of Ray J... Class...

Day 8

Oww.

I am a tad sore...

No wonder I struggled to get any sleep at all last night. At 3 am I was standing with my forearms submerged in a sink full of cold water. Didn't help.

We had a stroll around Pershing Square until some homeless people started fighting and then we spent the rest of the day reading the Times and watching crappy reality TV.

Day 7

My forehead is glowing from all the sunburn.

An hour long bus ride to Santa Monica. Again, the MTA make me walk 12 blocks to catch my bus.

Down to the pier to play in the arcades plus the woman who writes your name on a grain of rice was there so I got one for my sister plus I got a little one for myself that said Helen (heart) Mike... I miss him.

Kay wanted to sit on the beach so I was checking out the hot (and the not so hot) boys. Unfortunately, my vegan organic sunblock does not work and I burned like a bitch.

A stroll along the promenade where Kay paid a psychic $5 to grasp at straws and not tell her anything... I watched some guy frantically play drums on plastic buckets. He was very good so I gave him a dollar (you can see him on YouTube. Search for Santa Monica drums). I also bought myself a large Hand of Shiva for my collection.

We headed up to Real Food Daily. After my experience at Shojin, I was quite nervous. This is another one of those places I've always wanted to go to; I even have Ann Gentry's cookbook. We split the Better With Cheddar Nachos which were so good. I then had the Magic Mushroom salad that unfortunately tasted like soil. Kay had the fettuccine with tempeh meat balls. She said the tempeh tasted like fish. I had banana cream pie and she had a strawberry shortcake. Even though i made a big deal about my chocolate/cocoa/carob allergy, my plate still came dusted in cocoa powder so I could only eat part of the cake. Teecino Latte finished it off. Our server was a nice boy but very slow. Price was shocking but it wasn't a bad meal.

Bus back to LA with a homeless lady who stunk of crap and talked to herself all the way home.

We went to Rite Aid for some anti-histamine cream as I had a mosquito bite that made one of my tattoos get all inflamed and red and gross. The boy who helped me couldn't take his eyes of Kay's ass. Always funny. Maybe I shouldn't have told him she was really a man...

Back to the hotel to cover myself in aloe and sleep like a corpse. Except I couldn't sleep at all.

Day 6

Woke up with even more sunburn. Loving it.



We were supposed to go for foot massages today but we both felt like crap so decided to have an easy day.



We started off by going to the Nickel Diner for breakfast. Kay was delighted by the free refills on coffee. I had the Vegan Ranchero while she had a fry-up. Mine wasn't as described but it was interesting... We both went back to the hotel and threw up. The tofu had the texture of eggs and I just can't cope with stuff like that. Do love the diner though. Great music, nice staff.



Spent the morning wandering around Broadway. Bought five t-shirts for $10 for my family. The sizing leaves a lot to be desired but who cares. Kay wore a short skirt and was being letched at by everyone. She loved it.



Then we went off to 7th/Fig which was crap. I used to spend so much time here in my university days. Now all the best shops have shut down and what is left just sucks.



Over to Macy's Plaza where a woman in one store refused to serve me so I dumped all the Hello Kitty crap I was buying on the floor and walked out. In contrast, the staff at Bath and Bodyworks couldn't do enough for me when I went to buy scented candles. Saw a man get arrested at Borders for stealing a book. The usual.



Got a little angry with Famima today. On our receipts, it said if you went in during a certain time, you could get a free gift. It said one gift per receipt (I had two, Kay had one). Once we got there, they changed it to one gift per person which was fair enough. What they gave us, though, was out of date energy drinks. What is the point?



I've always wanted to go to Shojin. I had even picked out what I would have; pumpkin croquettes followed by grilled vegetables and tempeh and I was willing to be surprised on the desert. We walked from 8th/Grand to the Little Tokyo shopping centre (which took a while). I managed to pick up some cute little Maneki Neko phone charms from one shop while we were wandering around.



Now, I'd love to write a glowing, positive review of Shojin but we didn't even get to eat.



We got there at 5:25 on a Friday evening and they were closed (the signs said they opened at 5). Kay, who is most definitely not vegan, was a bit worried about what she would order so we were looking at the menu on this big table which is out front and covered in fliers for other restaurants when a young man came out and snapped "We're closed!" I said it was fine as we were just checking out the menu and would be eating there later. He then said, "Oh. Well we open in five or ten minutes". Again, I said it was fine. Then he barked "Well are you going to wait or not?" I stared at him and Kay said we would wait and dragged me away to a nearby bench so I could calm down (I don't like rudeness). After waiting twenty minutes, I could feel myself getting angrier about the way he had spoken to us and I knew we just wouldn't have a good evening. They still hadn't opened so we left. I will never set foot anywhere near Shojin again. A little manners would have got a very loyal customer that night.



We walked back Downtown and decided to go to CPK at 7th/Fig. After two of the best margaritas ever and their wonderful grilled vegetable salad, the waiter got a $20 tip on a $50 meal. Screw you, Shojin. It was very busy and the woman next to me kept staring at my tattoos but oh well. We were served quickly and were in and out in an hour. That's what I like to see.



Back to the hotel to sort out my gifts and put arnica on my poor tired feet...



**********************************



When I first got home from the States, I spent a week reviewing various shops and restaurants on Yelp. I posted an almost exact copy of the above review of Shojin and it has provoked such outrage that I just have to laugh. One "man" has taken offense at my truthful report to the point that he felt the need to send me a very long tirade about how I must have provoked the aggression from the Shojin waiter (hmm... how? Perhaps because I am 5'9"? Perhaps because I wore a top with flowers on it? Perhaps because Kay is Indian?). He also said I should have contacted Shojin directly instead of posting a review (you know when you get the feeling someone is staff...). I wonder if he did the same when he was spreading negative reviews about other restaurants? He then proceeded to start reviewing things I had reviewed just so he could attack me. He is one bona fide tiny penised psycho stalker.

Day 5

Woke up late with severe sunburn on my face and back/shoulders. We headed off to Sherman Oaks Mall (the MTA at their finest again; only a 15 block walk from the bus stop to the mall). I showed Kay my old neighbourhood including my North Hollywood apartment building. I don't miss the Valley.

Very disappointed with the Sanrio shop. Not a single thing was priced. Even though I had a huge list from my nieces and $1000 burning a hole in my pocket, I wouldn't buy a single thing. I also experienced quite the worst service ever at Sephora. I wont be going back there. Bought body lotion and some fit flops. This used to be my favourite mall but the best shops have gone and what's left is not impressive. OK, there's a Betsey Johnson shop but I can't afford to shop there.

Back to the hotel and then another trip to the Cheesecake Factory. Shouldn't have bothered. I had the same pasta plus my usual margarita and an ultimate mojito (which tasted like crap). Kay's arabiatta was bland and her passion fruit mojito was rather like surgical spirit. The server was also very offhand and making snide comments. You're still only a waitress, love.

Back to LA and there was a real bus bunny on the 485. I was quite jealous...

We tried out Famima at the Roosevelt building. I am in love with their Ramune. Also stocked up on Pocky to take home to my family.

Bed.

Day 4 (March 25th, 2009)

My 28th Birthday. I am old.

Woke up at 2 am, unable to get back to sleep, so wrote in my journal and did my postcards and painted my nails. Pretty normal start to the day.

I'd already had all of my birthday presents - my mom and my oldest sister (and her family) gave me dollars, my sister also gave me travel bottles for cosmetics and travel washing powder. My other sister knitted me a bag with a rising sun on it. Kay gave me a necklace and a purse. Kay had intended to decorate the hotel with balloons and banners but forgot them. I don't like to make a fuss anyway.

A little word on the MTA. I am very loyal to this company but sometimes they are so daft. Before I went away, I used their journey planner to make sure we knew where we were going. For the Disneyland trip, the website actually suggested I walk 18 blocks to catch my bus. Lovely.

So two hour bus ride to Disneyland. I got in for free and got given a badge saying it was my birthday. I proceeded to have about 2000 people wish me a happy birthday... One of the cast members gave me an honorary citizen of Disneyland badge. We did a horrendous amount of walking. We went on a few rides (including Splash Mountain where some pervert in the queue was trying to photograph my legs) and did a bit of shopping.

I went to Disneyland previously with my psycho ex-roommate and I found it a boring, dull experience (maybe because she needed to eat every 20 minutes...) but this time was so much fun. I really enjoyed it.

Back on the bus home. So we are minding our own business. Kay is texting her so called boyfriend. I'm checking out passing bus drivers... We then notice quite the fattest women ever carrying the smallest girdle ever. Physics dictates it's just not possible but Kay insists it would work...

Kay laughed til she wet herself.

Back home for lemon chamomile tea from the Coffee Bean and pasta salad from Ralphs.

Then bed.

Day 3

6 am start. Spent three hours piling on the makeup and then we headed to Hollywood. Kay was incredibly excited about this. I warned her it would not be what she expected but apparently it was...

We did the Walk of Fame and then Kay paid a homeless man $10 for him to draw her picture. I would have refused to pay personally. It looked nothing like her. I was about to kick off when the LAPD showed up and moved us along.

Next we had out palms read. I've never really believed in all that but figured it would be interesting. She read my character really well. She said I was artistic and creative and working in an office would not suit me (no shit Sherlock). She also said I would be very successful and wealthy and I would marry once and have two kids (she may be wrong there, though). She also knew that I liked older men. That made me laugh because very few people know that about me.

She was bang on about Kay too. Kay didn't really like it because she didn't tell her what she wanted to hear. It was interesting, though.

After more wandering around Hollywood, we ended up taking a bus tour of movie star homes. This kind of stuff has never appealed to me but Kay wanted to try it. She ended up hating it whereas I was enjoying the architecture. I forget the names of most of the homeowners but they did include Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Jodie Foster, Halle Berry, Michael Jackson (we saw his bodyguards!), Keanu Reeves, John Lennon's old place, Ozzy's old house (now owned by Christina Aguilerra), and Dr Phil's rather huge pad. There was an annoying guy from Indiana or Nebraska or somewhere like that who wouldn't shut the fuck up the entire time we were on this uncomfortable little bus. I didn't get enough backing to remove him from the excursion, though...

Back to the boulevard and Hollywood/Highland. Hot Topic just depressed me. It makes me feel so old. There was nothing at all that interested me and one of the shop girls was excitedly telling me about some band I had never heard of who would be doing an in store signing that evening. Whatever.

We were so tired when we got back to the hotel that we just grabbed Subway and tea from the Coffee Bean and watched TV.

We also had a little wander around the Downtown Macy's (Kay needed a cardi) and I discovered they sell Fit Flops so I will go back for a few pairs before we head home.

Kay has developed a thing for the boy on the front desk so is almost chain smoking so that she can spend time with him. Bless.

Day 2

1 am. Kay snores like an asthmatic drunk coal miner.

2 am. Decided to take a shower.

3 am. Nails painted, eyebrows plucked.

4:30 am. Just repainted nails. I shouldn't do them in the dark.

6 am. Finally kicked Kay out of bed. I had 3 hours sleep. Today will be fun.

Pasadena was so amazing. I love that place so much. We took the 485 to Lake/Colorado and then walked to Paseo Colorado where I blew $200 on Urban Decay at Sephora. I also got the new Skechers D-Lites. They are so comfortable. I picked up a new Marc Ecko purse and some Steve Madden sunglasses in Macy's sale. We caught the bus back Downtown and I had an emotional moment. We just turned onto Hill when I remembered Mike, the love of my life...

After dropping our shopping off at the hotel, we headed straight back out to Pasadena to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Now, I used to catch the 483 and get dropped off practically outside the restaurant. They brought in the Gold Line and did away with the 483. We got off at the right station but then I lost my bearings and we headed off in the wrong direction for ten blocks. I eventually worked it out and got us to our destination and, for the first time ever, we were seated straight away. Our rather sexy server, Gustav, got us nicely filled up on Margarita del Reys and Pomegranate Mojitos. I had Evelyn's Favorite Pasta (without cheese) and was presented with a massive bowl of pasta and veg. That kept me quiet.

$90 later, we were walking down Fair Oaks back towards the metro station. I'm not particularly well balanced at the best of times but uneven paving slabs really don't help. I twisted my ankle and landed flat on the floor. Kay laughed until she threw up. At least she picked the splinter out of my hand. I guess that's punishment for the time I laughed when mom tripped over the dog and broke her ribs.

I went straight to bed at the hotel and slept for 10 hours.

Kay says I snore.

She lies.

Day 1

Woke up at 2 am. Kay was due to arrive at 4:30 so that we could catch the bus at 6am. Thought I'd grab a few more hours sleep but that was out of the question. It's been 6 years since I was last in the US, 8 years since I first moved there.

Kay arrived at 4:15 and then I did my usual running round, freaking out because I've "forgotten something".

Got to the bus station at 5:30 and was greeted by drunks. How people can still be pissed at that hour is beyond me. We picked our way through the pools of vomit and set up home by the stop sign. Of course, as soon as our bus arrived, hideously-made up, piss-smelling old women pushed their way to the front and we were last on anyway. Whatever.

Followed as incredibly uncomfortable three hours of people snoring and talking crap. I don't cope well when I feel crowded...

Security was just a joke at Heathrow. It took me nearly an hour to get through. The staff would allow lines to build up while they chatted and then let a few people through. Heathrow sucks anyway. The Wetherspoons we had breakfast at had no Sailor Jerry and the chips they served us were raw. Also, no vinegar??? WTF???

I've never flown with British Airways before and was quite nervous. The plane was cramped but something made up for it... There was the most stunningly gorgeous flight attendant, Pedro. He was wonderful; he was so incredibly nice and polite and had a hell of a body. He made the eleven hour flight bearable.

I absolutely hate plane food. 70% of the time, they don't bother giving me vegan food. BA impressed the hell out of me (at least on this leg of the journey...). Lunch was grilled veg and pasta, a small salad, a bread roll, and half a pear with two raspberries. The snack was a hummus and falafel sandwich with a piece of pineapple, and a couple of oat cakes. OK, the falafel made me feel sick but other than that, I was delighted.

Biggest complaint was as I got off the plane, I hooked my trousers on a broken arm rest and tore them. Not pleased.

Did I mention Kay slept for the entire flight? I may as well just travel alone...

Immigration at LAX was terrifying. Everything went fine but it feels so threatening. I was fingerprinted and photographed and the ESTA I had had to fill out online was not used; instead I did the usual form on the plane. Seems pointless to me.

Primetime were not great. They were slow and, again, the bus was cramped. All the students had to be dropped off first at USC so we were in the shuttle for over 2 hours. At least we made it in one piece and Kay saw a lot of LA that I wouldn't be showing her during out stay.

A word on the Stillwell Hotel. I stayed here six years ago and it was filthy and scary. I liked the location and price though so was OK with going back. We were met by a very polite young man in reception. He called me Irish but at least he didn't call me English. He seemed quite smitten with Kay... We had an indepth discussion about religion before dragging our sorry corpses up to room 1023. I was so impressed with the room. Two double beds, a desk with chair, TV with cable, fridge, and en suite. It was clean (most important thing) with a great view.

We decided to have a walk down to Ralph's to grab some food. I got my favourite turnovers and some nibbles from the salad bar. I decided to grab a crate of Tecate but the bitch on the checkout refused to accept my passport as ID. She said it was only good for travel, not for proving I'm 27. I told her to shove it and my 21 year old friend bought my beer without being asked for ID. Whatever.

Back to the hotel and my big comfy bed to make up for the 24 hours of travelling...

Happy Easter!

Just spent the last half an hour making my Easter presents (latest I have ever done them...). As I don't eat chocolate and I resent the commercialism of the holidays, I don't buy those waste-of-money eggs. Every year, I make little origami baskets and stick either paper or silk flowers on them (this year it's paper daffis) and then fill them with chocolate bunnies and eggs. They cost about 25p each and are so much more appreciated than whatever crap Cadbury's are throwing out.

Well, obviously I am back from LA. Been back a week. I kept a journal while I was gone and hope to start blogging it later today.