YOU!

Yeah YOU!

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!!!

Who do you think you are??? Are you so ignorant that you think an obvious swipe at me will go unnoticed???

I don't post reviews of books I haven't read!

If you associate my name with any more of your childish crap, I WILL SUE THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF YOU!!!

And unlike David Bret, I DO hit women.

I know enough about California law to DESTROY YOU!!!

Now grow up and get a fucking life away from your computer, you evil, bitter, twisted soul.

Mike Bielecki = official moron?

I hate it when good looking guys open their mouths and make themselves sound totally ignorant.

I followed the last couple of years of Bielecki's Major League career. I always thought he was a stunning guy. Then I started following his online postings.

Wish I hadn't bothered sometimes.

OK, he's a Republican. I have no issue with anyone supporting a particular political party (unless it's the BNP and then GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG!!! I kid... kinda...). What I do have issue with, though, is outright racism.

He hates Obama. Again, OK. If you can form an intelligent argument as to why you do not like Obama, then I will respect you for that. But no...

He refers to him as "mister minstrel in chief".

He posted a photo of Obama with his (black) relatives and said "doesn't look like an American citizen to me". Not all American citizens are white, you know.

Bielecki is descended from Polish immigrants but... yup... you guessed... he hates immigrants. I find that kind of double standard so hateful.

Some of what he comes out with, I do find hilarious - "Wanna see the puppies in my van?" I am sure that offends a lot of people... But then he says stuff that kind of makes my skin crawl...

I do wonder if he really believes all of the stuff he writes or if he is just trying to be controversial...

And I wonder how much duct tape would be required to keep his mouth shut whilst I violate his constitutional rights... ;)

Inspirational Women, Part 8 - Elizabeth Short

July 29 1924 - c. January 15 1947

Elizabeth "Beth" Short is not inspirational in the conventional sense of the word.

I had always been interested in true crime but it is something I generally kept quiet about as I didn't want people to think I was weird or anything.

After living and attending university in Los Angeles, I returned to the UK to complete my BA. In my final year, I took a Hard-boiled Fiction course. One of the set books was James Ellroy's Black Dahlia. I still remember reading the book. It was a Sunday and was rather dull outside. I skipped my normal run on the beach and decided to stay in bed and read a few pages of this book. I read the whole text in one sitting. My back was killing me and I had to go for a run in the rain (at night) to loosen up in the end.

Ellroy's highly fictionalised account gave small glimpses into the real life of Beth Short. Of course, I went straight on the internet for the crime scene photos and all of the different theories on what happened.

In class, the lecturer did pass out copies of the photos but no one would look, except me. I dominated the crap out of group discussion that day...

I find most murder victims fascinating; why them? what did the world miss out on due to the crime?

Beth is extra special, though.

Of course, the crime is still unsolved over sixty years later. It never will be solved.

There have been so many outright lies printed about her and the case over the years that it is quite frankly sickening.

Beth frequented some of my favourite LA hangouts - The Biltmore, The Frolic Room. And I was going to these places before I even knew who she was.

The case has attracted more than its fair share of crazies. Take Janice Knowlton, a truly troubled woman. She wrote 'Daddy Was The Black Dahlia Killer' in which she claimed therapy had uncovered repressed memories of sexual abuse at the hands of her father, George Knowlton, and claimed he had killed Beth in a fit of anger. Knowlton's online ravings got so extreme that her ISP cancelled her account. She eventually committed suicide.

Beth's case made me have more direction in my crime interests, hence my current academic pursuits. I would love to solve the case but I know that wont happen.

The strongest theories were put forward by Steve Hodel (OK, there were errors along the way but he is more precise than anyone else) that the murder was committed by his father, Dr George Hodel. See a pattern here?

Whoever killed Beth and whatever life she lived, I do hope she is at peace.

Inspirational Women, Part 7 - Edith Piaf

December 19 1915 - October 11 1963

I guess my introduction to Piaf was no more unusual than anyone else's.

I was obviously a big Vyacheslav Tikhonov fan and was delighted to get hold of the Seventeen Moments of Spring box set. In one scene, Stirlitz is driving with Pastor Schlag and they are listening to Piaf (we will ignore the historical inaccuracies here...).

I picked up a few CDs and familiarised myself with her work. I find her songs so powerful and inspirational. While I don't listen to her music all the time, I probably play something at least once a week.

She led an interesting, though at times troubled, life. (I wont go into detail as there is plenty of information available on the internet).

She was truly an icon.

Daily update - 29/06

Livid.

Logged on to my internet banking this morning to check my wages had gone in only to discover when I had bought furniture last week, using my debit card had put me £2 overdrawn. I have been so careful with money over the last few years and have really worked hard to get myself out of debt and for one minor slip up to harm my credit rating and set me back again, I am fuming. My real anger is at the fact that the bank allowed me to use my card, even though it put me overdrawn. I don't have an overdraft facility (I asked for it to be removed as I was trying to get myself out of debt) so they should not let me over-spend; my card should have been declined in-store.

Waiting to see their next move.

Bank charges will not be welcomed...

Some insect bit me whilst I was standing in the street talking to my neighbour just. Blood everywhere.

Not all negative though...

Had another good day in work. Finished early too which I always like.

I have read my tutor comments on all my marked essays. All points were fair and I will take them on board. I do like how the different tutors make conflicting comments. I am keeping lists of what each tutor prefers...

Two days off now.

Staying up all night to do college work and then have to take my grandmother to go TV shopping in the morning. I don't get asked to perform many family duties so it is not too bad.

Apparently I am the best tech expert... I didn't think I was but I am finding myself more and more reliant on electrical things... I have my Kindle, my DS Lite, my 3 mp3 players, my Nokia music phone (though this is being replaced with the Dell Streak in a fortnight), my Wii, and when my computer died... well it was like someone had cut my leg off...

The sugar ban is still going well. Resisting urges quite easily. Also avoiding bread, mainly. I have a cupboard full of Ryvita and the man who has the allotment next to my sister's gave me a load of salad veg (there is nothing growing on my sister's plot and I guess he felt sorry for me... my own garden is full of veg though). Will give this health thing a try. Probably going to squeeze in a visit to the herbalist this week for my hayfever. Also gonna start following the Diet Plate more precisely again as it does work and also throw myself back into EA Active step aerobics as I love doing that. Gonna be all buff for LA...

As for LA... Kay announced she is using her LA money to get a boob job. I am so disappointed in her. I thought she was more intelligent than that.

Inspirational Women, Part 6 - Betsey Johnson

August 10 1942 -

This is the big one... the one I have been scared of posting...

5 years ago, I had no idea who Betsey Johnson was. I had grown up with Zandra Rhodes, Red Or Dead, Dior, etc. As I got older, I kind of lost interest in fashion. OK, I would buy Baby Phat jeans but that was about it. Nothing major.

I used to watch America's Next Top Model, just to laugh at the general vacuousness. One episode, Betsey was on and I just loved her style and her fun nature.

Had a quick look on ebay, couldn't find anything (I had spelled her name wrong).

Just over two years ago, I had popped into TKMaxx to buy a pair of sunglasses and I saw a Betsey bag ("Strawberry Fields"). I didn't buy it; it was Saturday evening and I just wanted to get home. I thought about this bag all night, though, so went back the next morning. It had, of course, gone. I managed to source the bag online and had it shipped from America (it arrived mid-May 2008 when I was laid up with a back injury).

This was the start of what can only be described as an obsession.

I own an unbelievable amount of Betsey stuff now - bags, shoes, clothes, jewellery, even her Urban Decay lipgloss.

Betsey knew what she wanted to do and she persevered to build a major brand that even after all these years, is still right on the cutting edge.

Betsey has battled breast cancer (and won) and continues to produce fun, affordable fashion.

Betsey owns a hotel in Mexico - Betseyville - and me and my niece are going to go there as soon as we have the cash...

I am proud to wear Betsey.

Daily update - 27/6

Happy.

Happy happy happy.

I was sitting in the garden this morning, working my way through this week's work for one of my modules, when I realised how happy I actually am. I am feeling challenged but also rewarded with my uni work, finances aren't too bad, OK work sucks but that will come around. I am meeting nice men. Nothing going on but the process of flirting is always interesting.

Feeling good too.

Aside from a stiff back.

Kay and I have agreed to put off LA til next March (my 30th birthday). It's just too expensive right now. At least this way we can save.

I have decided to get as fit as I can (we do a lot of walking in LA so I need to be at my best). In a related move, I have decided to give up sugar. As so many of my family are diabetic, it's just common sense. I can imagine this will be tough but we shall see how it goes...

Me and Kay will head to the spa in August to make up for our missed vacation.

Just done my nails and will spend the next hour doing a bit of clearing out for when the recyclers come tomorrow.

Not bad at all...

Oh yeah, and England?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Loving it.

Daily update - 26/6

Yet another bad day at work. Don't know what is wrong with me.

Planning on staying up most of the night, doing uni work. Have already sat in the garden and read for a few hours.

Finding it far too hot. Least I can spend tomorrow doing little things around the house.

Won a few quid on the Euromillions Lottery last night. Going to stop playing for a while and conserve my cash, I think.

I am finding Cardiff so funny right now. My office is in a particularly flat area and is surrounded my other big office buildings. I walked out of work this evening and a mix of the layout, the heat, the clear blue sky, and all the limos for the Paul McCartney concert at the stadium really reminded me of LA.

Speaking of Macca... his fans at the train station were uber old. I bet they were the parents of the original Beatles groupies... It was really quite scary and also frustrating to be trying to run for my train and getting entangled in zimmer frames and colostomy bags...

Daily update - 25/6

Horrible, horrible day in work. Just kept getting worse but...

I had a particularly attractive guy flirting with me all day. I've known him for years and I don't really go for him but then I will spend time with him and think... hmm... I'd smack that... Of course, from the time it took me to leave my office and reach the train station, I had already come up with a list of 10 things I didn't like about him...

In work again tomorrow. It shall be better...

Got my final essay back. Another really high grade. I can live with this. I guess all that self doubt was a bit pointless in the end.

Got a couple of parcels today - my vegan sunblock with free samples of vegan shampoo and a load of Zoya and SpaRitual nail polish with a free bottle of (expensive) nail polish remover. I like freebies.

Did a load of reading on my travels today so I am catching up with my college work.

Generally been quiet...

Oh yeah...

Had to visit the police station this evening on my way home from work. I was sitting on the train, minding my own business, reading my text book on sex offenders, when some either drunk or mentally retarded guy started walking up and down past me. He was bothering me a little so I put my book away and put my sunglasses on so I could watch him unobserved. As we pulled into my station, I stood up to wait at the exit. He snuck up behind me and rubbed his bare cock on my arm, all casual like... I keyed the fucker. I ain't having that. It's amazing how much blood one key can bring forth from one face... I do hope he learned his lesson. I am pressing charges, of course. He denied that I had done the damage to him, though I called the police myself. I do hope he gets a little prison time and his 6'8" 400lb roomie, "Spanky", teaches him a few rules about respecting women.

Off to gaze at photos of that bloke and try to decide if he is worth giving up my self-imposed man exile for...

Inspirational Women, Part 5 - Eleanor Keaton

July 29 1918 - October 19 1998

Eleanor Keaton (nee Norris) was Buster Keaton's third and final wife. She was just 18 and a dancer at MGM when she met the 23-years-her-senior actor. What started off as an agreement to teach the young woman to play bridge ended in a happy marriage with Eleanor supporting the Keaton family financially whilst Buster got back on his feet, helping him to control his excessive drinking, and rebuilding his career, introducing him to whole new generation of fans on television. She was also partly responsibly for rediscovering his silent movies that had long been considered lost.

Eleanor had a reputation for being overly protective of Buster but with his history, who could blame her?

"I was his babysitter, secretary, mother--whatever else was called for."

After his death, she worked tirelessly to keep his memory alive.

Eleanor Keaton is what Hollywood wives should aspire to be.

Daily update - 24/6

I have managed to salvage all but two of my lost songs. Those were the two Rush tracks I bought the other week. I'll just buy them again. Had a horrible time getting the music off my iPod onto the hard-drive because iTunes automatically tries to wipe the entire iPod when you connect it to a new computer. My main mp3 player is on its way out and I was going to buy another iPod but they have officially been added to the fuck off list. I'll buy another Creative and give my iPod to my niece.

On a related note, I don't want an iPhone anymore. I might get the Dell Streak. Everyone has an iPhone and I am not a sheep...

Got another marked essay back today - got another really high grade (the kind of grade I have not got since I was at uni in LA and the work was much easier). I only lost points for referencing issues (fair enough) and because I did not go into enough detail about prisons and focused on drug abuse amongst the mentally ill instead. It seemed too obvious to write about prisons in relation to crime... dunno why... Next time I will write about absolutely everything and see what they think about that. It's really getting into the Forensic Psychology side of it now (rather than sociological theory which I find dull). Cannot wait to be able to use it to get a good job.

Speaking of which... I may be up for a promotion in work... We shall see... Would mean working 9-5 for the first time. I can cope with that, though.

My mosquito rash is almost gone now. Wasn't as bad as it was in LA last year in the end.

New vegan sunblock on the way. Let's see if it works better than the shit I bought last year...

We can add Lidl pasta salad to the list of things I will never eat again. Vile. I was so ill in the night that I was actually praying I would die to ease the suffering.

Got some new Zoya nail polish. Stunning colours.

Gino is not well. We had a party here yesterday and I think maybe people were giving him scraps and he overate. He's been quiet all day. See how he is tomorrow.

Got reading to do but spent most of the day sorting out my music and then I had to go shopping for furniture... Nothing too exciting really...

Been a few days...

Not much has happened...

My computer died. Not just a little. Totally fatal never coming back died. It took all of my music, movies, photos, essays, my CV, and my novel with it. It is my own fault for not backing up my work. It's OK. I can start again.

I got bitten by a mosquito and I reacted really badly and my entire left leg was covered in a nasty lumpy rash all through the blue ink of my tattoos. Easing now, though.

Got one of my essays back and got a really good grade. I am happy.

Might have a little rest and then start reading through my several hundred emails.

I shall be back...

Inspirational Women, Part 4 - Diane Kane

**edit** (March 16th 2011)

I am absolutely livid right now.

I have just received an email from Diane's husband, requesting I remove the blog post. Not the part of it that they want to keep secret (even though it is widely available information on the internet), no, the whole thing.

Never mind that I posted this absolutely ages ago. Never mind that this is incredibly positive, especially considering a lot of the other stuff that is out there. Never mind the intention behind it all.

Never mind.

I started the Beautiful Men/Inspirational Women series to pay tribute to people I have admired and taken real inspiration from. No one else who has been featured has taken issue with what I have said.

The piece I wrote was full of genuine admiration for someone I looked up to. I was not negative at all. Just google her name and see what other people are saying.

Again, I could have been asked to remove the thing that is apparently a huge secret but no, the whole post was deemed unacceptable.

I, personally, think you should be proud of your past. I have known that my mother used to write pornographic stories for a men's magazine from an early age. My sister's children know about my affair with a rather famous rock star. That is part of who we are.

Oh well.

I have edited the post and removed the original offending content. I have also removed her from my Facebook friends (OMG LIKE NO!!!). I wont delete the whole blog post as that will affect my series flow. Don't like it? Sue me. My freedom of speech is protected and I will fight for that.

Her inspirational qualities have certainly diminished in my estimation.

Inspirational Women, Part 3 - Joan Armatrading, MBE

December 9 1950 -

I discovered Joan Armatrading the same way as everyone else - Love and Affection.

I had known that song since I was a young kid (it was always on compilation records... yeah RECORDS... I'm that old...).

I was standing in a shoe shop in Studio City in March 2002 - looking at yellow Doc Martin sandals - when that song was played. Me and Mike were at that good stage in a relationship so I remember everything clearly. I was in Pasadena a few days later and happened to pass Tower Records (since closed) and I popped in to see if I could find the song on CD. I grabbed a best of and played it while I was on the metro, mainly.

I was discovering an incredible talent.

Anyone that can sing about transsexuals, banging ugly musicians, and kissing at the bus stop is OK with me.

Armatrading released a new album a couple of months ago and is in the middle of a huge world tour right now.

I feel honoured to be able to experience her music.

Why were you so set on ruining Valentino for me?

You -

You claim to be fighting for the truth but there is overwhelming evidence you have been lying about things. You seem to like evidence. Maybe you should remember what you email to people before you post something contradictory on your blog.

You can't leave things alone. You get so obsessed that you constantly burrow away at the same small issue. You view it as good investigative journalism but everyone else sees it as harassment.

You use the same old clichés to justify your actions.

You have succeeded in boring people.

Then there's You -

You spend so much time bitching about everyone else. Everyone is terrible. Everyone is picking on you. You ever wonder why?

You obsessively monitor your blog. "So-and-so searched for the following terms and then was on my website for five and a half hours last night..." You ever think he maybe fell asleep? Your intensity makes people unwilling to even read your website. What if I enter the wrong search term or linger on the same page too long? Will I end up on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted?

Everyone is out to get you. You can't help yourself from telling lengthy stories about how each individual person has got it in for you and you alone.

Your actions sometimes border on the illegal and yet you think the law will always be on your side.

You pretend to be friendly but you cannot be trusted. Giving out my private email address is the number one best way to seriously piss me off. I have several other emails that I don't mind people contacting me from but my private one is only given to a select few.

But neither of you will destroy Valentino. His works live on, no matter how you try to bastardize them for your own gains. I may not be able to watch any movies for a while - at least not without feeling abject anger for the way I was used - but I know you do not represent true fans.

Be at peace with yourselves and leave everyone else be.

Review: Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics

*

I was so excited to discover a new vegan brand so ordered a lip gloss and a couple of eye shadows to give them a try out.

First dodgy thing...

Their website is not set up to accept international payments, though they do welcome international orders. Instructions said to complete the standard checkout and then they would email you with the correct postage in order for you to pay. Your card would not be charged the first time.

OK... So I did that but used my credit card, just incase.

Second dodgy thing...

I logged on to get my balance and they had taken $95 instead of the agreed $47.50 from my card. No explanation. Just took my money.

I email them and ask why they have taken that amount from my account.

Delay.

Then I check my balance and $47.50 has been refunded. However, due to a fluctuation in exchange rates, I actually get back less than they took. I explain this to them but they don't care.

Their response simply says "Apologies. We have refunded". Not good enough.

I request that they cancel my order and refund the rest of my money.

I get an email back saying "Are you sure?"

Yes. Yes I am.

They refund the rest of my money but hey! I lose out on the exchange rates again! I am now out of pocket because they fraudulently debited my card.

OCC could be the best vegan brand in the world but I just don't care. They can officially fuck right off.

Dodgy as.

Inspirational Women, Part 2 - Sandra Cisneros

December 20 1954 -

I took Chicano Studies at Cal State LA and Woman Hollering Creek was one of the assigned texts. I remember thinking that the author was telling stories that related to my life, even though the subject matter was far removed from the experiences of a Jewish girl in Wales.

I took another literature course and The House On Mango Street was one of the set books. Again, the stories were so powerful, so emotive.

"Passing bums will ask, Can I come in? I'll offer them the attic, ask them to stay, because I know how it is to be without a house... guests and I will sit in front of a fire. Floorboards will squeak upstairs. The attic grumble.
Rats? they'll ask?
Bums, I'll say, and I'll be happy."

For my final year at Swansea uni, I wrote about Cisneros and my lecturer was too scared to question my vicious feminist discourse so I got a great grade...

She makes me strong. At my pathetic moments, a few stories will snap me right out of it.

Some of my favourite quotes come from Sandra - "I am no one's wife and no one's mother" is an adaptation of one that I keep on most social networking sites.

"After everything that's breakable is broken, the silence is expensive"

"You are the one I’d let go the other loves for
surrender my one-woman house.
Allow you red wine in bed,
even with my vintage lace linens.
Maybe. Maybe.
For you."
(For Mike...).

Kay received the entire works of Cisneros for her birthday. If I can just bring her positive influence into one life, my work will be complete.

Coming up for air

Finished my last essay at 11:30 last night and submitted it at 6am this morning. I have already done the reading for one module and will finish the other two today and then tomorrow start working on my next essays.

I just got the results for my module from last term.

I... PASSED!!!

Yay!

Although this is my second Masters degree, it is with a different uni and I was worried about the marking scheme, etc.

I feel so much more confident in my abilities now.

Score.

I try so hard...

...to be organized...

I knew doing three modules plus working full time coupled with the fact that I am studying psychology for the first time would be tough but wow.

I have been writing for about 16 hours today. I'll be up by 6 am at the latest to go to work tomorrow. Will be home by 8pm and will have to write for a couple of hours and then stay up all night Tuesday night to get my final paper finished.

(Though... I have got the word count and have even done all of the formatting and bibliography... I just need to proof read a couple of times and tidy up a few paragraphs).

I WILL start my next set of papers in the next fortnight as my third set will be due while I am in LA so I will have to make sure everything is submitted well in advance.

I do enjoy my course. I am going through one of my self-doubt phases, though. I know I can do this but I think I can't...

Karma

I was walking the dog a couple of nights ago when I found an iPhone in the gutter. There was no one around so I took it home with me. A tiny little voice in the back of my head was going "you want an iPhone..." but I decided to be honest and return it. The local police station was closed so I managed to text "dad" in the phonebook (took me a while to do that as I am scared of new technology and didn't want to break it...). I said I had found the phone and included my own mobile number. I had a call within a minute and the man was here within 10 minutes to collect. Turned out the phone belonged to a teenage girl (why do teens have such expensive phones?) and she was apparently devastated that she had lost it.

Well that was my good deed. The next day, I had an absolutely amazing day in work. Then I received a cheque for a nice comfortable amount of money from a relative. Then I had a real break-through with the guy I was quasi-stalking (found him! Yay!). Then the teen showed up at my house with a big box of expensive chocolates. I think my good deed has been pretty well rewarded out.

Today will be spent writing as I have deadlines to meet.

Thank you to everyone who has contacted me about my little research project. I have enough people for what I need but if anyone else wants to join us, drop me a quick message.

Anyway, speaking of karma...

An open letter to two paranoid compulsive liars -

You know who you are. You are making yourselves look deranged. You may think you are hurting each other and others but you are just harming yourselves. How you can lie to everyone and feel no remorse is beyond me. I hope you are happy with the way you appear. I would urge everyone to avoid you at all costs. Karma will get you eventually. And it will be so satisfying...

Caravan/BU2B

I (not so) patiently waited for the new Rush tracks to be released in the UK (after unsuccessfully trying to buy them on Amazon.com on the release date in the US).

At first I was a bit... hmm...

Snakes and Arrows was unusual in that I instantly liked every single song and still do even after playing them almost constantly since the album was released.

I expected these tracks to carry on the same tradition but I found them to be a bit of a return to Vapor Trails (very inaccessible, aside from Ghost Rider and One Little Victory).

I persevered though and I am glad I did. Geddy is sounding great, especially the ending of BU2B... wow...

The tracks have memorable, catchy lyrics...

"On a road lit only by fire
Going where I want, instead of where I should"

"In a world that makes me feel so small
I can't stop thinking big"

"The price of what we're winning
Is the same as what we've lost"

So excited for the album and the documentary (already pre-ordered).

Inspirational Women, Part 1 - Lucille Bogan

(April 1st 1897 - August 10th 1948)

Lucille Bogan (nee Anderson) was an immensely talented blues singer who ignored social norms and sang about drinking, sex, abusive relationships, lesbianism, and gambling.

She was truly an innovator. One of the first blues singers to be recorded, she paved the way for other African American artists at a time when intense racism was still rife. She wrote most of her own songs, many of which have been covered by other artists over the years.

She also recorded under the name Bessie Jackson and managed her son's jazz group for a time.

Bogan died in Los Angeles at the age of 51 and is buried at the Lincoln Memorial Park in Compton, California.