Rogerstone Village Festival

30th August 2010

Ty Du Welfare Ground
Rogerstone
Newport

*

I go to most of the village fêtes in the Newport area. Again, it is a flashback to my youth when I used to dance at the town carnival every year. We normally cover Rogerstone, Maindy, Caerleon, Risca...

Well Rogerstone has managed to fail worse than all of the others ever could.

The first Rogerstone Festival was only a few years ago. My sister had a stall for the charity she is heavily involved with. I think they sold cakes or did face painting or something. It was OK and they did quite well and there was a lovely atmosphere down there. It was not exactly busy though.

Well, the next year, I was running my own business so decided to have a stall so I could sell my handmade cards. I had a really good plot; I was like the second or third stall right by the entrance. I made something like £200 and cleared a lot of stock.

The next year (2007), even though I was now working full time at my current company, I decided to do it again and sold cards and handmade jewellery. This time I was in plot 4, again right by the entrance.

I took home about £150 as people were just not spending that year.

2008, I received my invite and decided against taking part. For the first time, we had to carry out a risk assessment and confirm that we had public liability insurance (this was always covered by the event before). I was busy with work so decided to skip it. My sister again was there with her charity and they were given an absolutely horrible plot at the bottom end of the field where most people just bypassed them. That was her last year.

2009. I again receive an invite and decide to work at my normal job instead (I was paying off LA and prefer a guaranteed wage than something that can be hit or miss). I also could not justify renewing my insurance when I only did the very occasional event.

2010. I did not receive an invite this year. I probably would have worked it too. But there was very little advertising in advance to attract stall holders and by the time I remembered, it was too late. I decided to go down with my family to see what was going on, though.

I don't even know where to start.

Rogerstone is a small village. The Welfare Grounds are in a dip, at the end of a narrow, windy road. There is a small car park but that is closed during the Festival so that only the organisers can have access. So where should people park? Well, they apparently had arranged use of the local factory car park (everything is closed of a Bank Holiday) but how many signs were there directing people to the car park? One. And where was that sign? On a lamp-post, about 10 yards away from the entrance to the car park. And where is this car park? At the bottom end of an industrial estate that only locals would know how to find. People literally abandoned their cars all over the place. One road was so badly blocked (with people parked on double yellow lines) that a fire engine would not have been able to get through in an emergency. It was literally chaos. And no traffic wardens when you need them...

So that was the first annoyance.

The second?

It is free to get into the Festival. In theory. You walk down this narrow road onto the field. The road was blocked by three organisers waving raffle tickets in your face. I grabbed my niece and walked her through, saying we had no money. Everyone else in my family ended up buying some, though. I thought that was a bit rude. It was almost like the organisers were making their money back at the expense of the stall holders. It was also really quite aggressive. They used to just wander round the field, selling tickets to those who wanted them. This year they practically forced people to buy them. They weren't cheap either.

So you get onto the field and where I used to have my lovely plots is now just full of fairground rides, burger vans, and sweet trucks. Anyone with kids had no chance of getting through there with any money left. I don't like fairgrounds at the best of times (it is the noise and the brashness of it all). This was just too intrusive.

If you managed to survive all that, you got out to the stalls.

It used to be crafts and art.

This year?

Tat, tat, and more tat.

It was like one big car boot sale. Admittedly there were a couple of craft stalls but nothing significant. And the tombolas! Every other stall was a tombola and I used to love them; when I was 7 or 8, we went to a fete at my uncle's allotment in Birmingham. My dad gave my 10p and sent me off with my sister who was only 5 years older than me. I went straight to the tombola and bought a ticket. Well... it was a winner... and the prize? One of those absolutely huge bottles of Whiskey that you get in pubs. I remember the bloke going "Is your daddy here, bab?" My sister had to go find him to claim my prize...

But this time? The prizes just were not worth it. We had 19p bottles of lemonade from Asda, salad cream(!), individual cans of Strongbow and... the grand prize of...!! A HALF-DRUNK BOTTLE OF PORT!!! Are they freaking kidding me?

It was just awful. The whole thing was dominated by charities just clearing their old stock. Nothing worthwhile at all.

There was even a guy selling knock off Gucci sunglasses, for God's sake!

I wondered round a few times, said hello to lots of dogs, chatted with people I knew, then after running out of money and having nothing to show for it, left. My family stuck it out a little longer but it really was a waste of time.

This event has so much potential but it is almost like the organisers do not care. It is all about making money for themselves and doing nothing for the community.

I wont bother again.

Berry Hill Fruit Farm - Child Haters?

Berry Hill Fruit Farm
Coedkernew
Newport
Monmouthshire
NP10 8UD

*

Back when I lived in Birmingham, we used to spend the entire summer going fruit picking on farms. It's simple - you take a few baskets, wonder round the fields, pick as much as you can carry, go back to the farm shop, get your baskets weighed, pay, take them home, and eat lovely, healthy fruit.

Great concept, huh?

My fondest memories of my 13 years in the West Midlands was driving all over the place, getting exercise, and really experiencing decent food.

Then we moved to South Wales. There were not so many places to go fruit picking and what with me being busy with uni, travelling, working, etc, it was no longer a priority.

My sister, however, wanted her children to have the same sort of fun that we had when we were younger and so she did the research and found Berry Hill Farm.

She has been three times.

Not a single person any of my family knows will ever go again.

First time she went, she took my mother and her young son (she was pregnant with her first daughter at the time). It was OK but what offended my mother was all the signs warning people not to eat any fruit. That seems a little harsh. At the farms in the Midlands, they allow for tasting as most people cannot resist a nice fresh strawberry straight off the plant. It put my mother off to the point that she decided not to go again as it was just plain rude.

But that was nothing compared to what was to come...

My sister took the kids last summer (now one boy and three girls) to pick raspberries. She had not even got out of the car when the man came up and said -

"I hope you are going to keep your children under control"

My sister explained that the children are very well behaved and they were just there to pick fruit. They picked and paid for £15 of raspberries and then left. They did not cause any trouble whatsoever.

On telling us what had happened, I said she should never go back as they obviously don't like people going on to their land, even though that is how they run their business.

But my sister didn't listen.

She went back today with her three daughters (aged 9, 6, and 2). The girls really wanted to pick plums and the ones in my garden are not quite ready. They managed to park without being harassed this time and walked into the farm shop (you have to cut through to get to the fields). As they walked through, the 6 year old just brushed her finger over a large tomato. I will make this VERY clear - she did not squeeze it, smoosh it, rub it, bruise it, bash it, or throw it on the floor. She literally ran her finger over it as she just couldn't resist. My sister was going to buy it for her when the woman in the farm shop snapped -

"Don't squeeze the tomatoes! If everyone did that, we would be left with jam!"

She was not joking and was downright rude. My sister finally had enough and responded with -

"Well obviously you do not need the £40 I was going to spend here today"

She scooped up the girls, bundled them back into the car, drove to my house, and cried in my living room about how vile these people have consistently been to her children.

Well, I've had enough.

The farm has apparently appeared in Rick Stein's Food Heroes. I wonder if the publishers know just how horrible the owners are to their customers.

Everyone I, my sister, and my mother know have been emailed and/or texted about the events and everyone has agreed to support us in the boycott of this vile company.

I am sure they do not realise just how much damage word of mouth can do. They will learn soon enough.

If you don't like children, you should not run a business that will attract children.

Simple.

I truly hope their business fails.

Penguin...

Not a great pic but I love it...

84 years

The Plan

I am one of those people who does best when I have a strict list to work to. I am heading to LA next year but I do that all the time so I don't need to plan anything specific.

However, I will be going to Australia for the first time also...

I am actually really excited. I will be exploring somewhere new and I have always wanted to go to Sydney. But you know when something is a long time away and you keep putting everything off 'til the last minute?

So I came up with the plan.

The plan will be added to over time but this is the start of it.

(In no particular order)
1. Save £2000 (I will need slightly more but that is what plastic is for)
2. Clear the current credit card balance (it is about £500 right now)
3. Lose the weight I have gained recently (it is not much but enough to annoy me)
4. Start building up muscle again
5. Stay off the booze
6. Finish my MSc
7. Plan loads of fun things to do in Sydney
8. Get Minx nails done on my feet so I don't have to worry about painting them
9. Get my hair thinned in advance
10. Select loads of books for my Kindle for the flight!

They all fit into different time frames but I will start working on little things now. I have other things to do like ensure my iPod is all beachified and have the name of a shop where I can buy decent straighteners as soon as we land (my frizzy Jew hair does not like hot climates...) unless of course mine will work out there... they don't in California but that's Cali...

It's all fun. I may not be going with Kay, though, as she is in lurve again and wants to move to Holland to be with this guy. Does she not know how stunning Aussie men are???

Lifestyle change time

I've been quite naughty this week - I've been drinking (very) heavily, I've mainlined carbs, and I've even been eating excessive amounts of sugar.

I'm feeling it too.

I have a constant dull ache in my lower back which I am hoping is just a pulled muscle but I know what else it could be...

I'm also drowsy all the time, I've gained a few lbs, and my skin is looking a bit grotty.

So!

No more booze. Up the water intake. No more sugar. Back to using my Diet Plate to regulate my carbs and protein. And I MUST start exercising more determinedly.

I can do this. I have done it before but then I have a bad week and it is a struggle to start over.

Breakfast will be a fruit and hemp protein smoothie.

Lunch will be salad with baked tofu or chick peas.

Dinner will kept light so stir fry or lentil nori rolls or soup or something like that.

If I need to snack (I shouldn't do), I have a bag of salted soy nuts in the cupboard that I can work my way through.

Exercise wise, I already walk the dog but I will pick up my EA Active routine again. It's a killer but it works. I, of course, also have my Shape Ups and they do work so that is a big help. That's the thing; I am actually in great shape but I feel like a sack of crap.

I'm too old to be playing this game now so this has to be done.

Beautiful Men, Part 13 - Mike

No photo this time. No video. Not even a last name or a date of birth.

Mike has a right to his privacy; he's not famous, never even been on TV which is unusual for an LA resident where everyone wants to be someone.

Mike and I did not have long together but during that time I was so happy. While not my first boyfriend, he was the first guy I fell in love with. Head over heels, besotted, stay-up-all-night-talking-on-the-phone, move-halfway-across-the-world, give-up-my-education-and-career-to-have-babies in love.

And...

He was married...

He wasn't even the first (or the last) married man I got involved with.

He was special, though.

He was dark and handsome (though not tall; he was under 5'6" so I kind of towered over him but we both liked that...). He was strong and intelligent and he immediately looked after me. I liked how I always felt safe around him. I had a lot of contact with his colleagues due to the nature of his job and he put word out that I should be looked after and, oh, I was.

Mike was the kind of guy that, when I went out to clubs in Hollywood and would get so hammered that I could not remember what bus to catch home, I could text and he would get up and drive across the city to come and get me. I have no idea what his wife thought about all this...

He loved animals and he had an evil sense of humour. He was also a terrible flirt...

He is the only man I have wanted to marry and have children with. If he called me tomorrow, I'd drop everything and move back to LA to be with him (he wouldn't let me though; he put a much higher value on my education and career than I ever have). I'd probably still marry him. The kids issue might crop up (a problem with FMF... I would have tests to see if I can actually have kids but I don't want to anyway so what's the point?).

After we broke up and I was making those questionable lifestyle choices, he got divorced and married someone else. They divorced also. We have not had any contact for years but mutual friends occasionally tell me stuff; he's a grandfather now. Still doing the same job, still looking forward to retirement (10 years to go).

You never know... I am going to LA for my 30th birthday so maybe we will see each other again. Maybe he wont have aged badly. Maybe he might even remember me...

Beautiful Men, Part 12 - Brian May

July 19 1947 -

Brian should have been before Roger as that is how it was chronologically but I was still pissed off over the whole Save Me thing when I started this project...

I guess Brian was my first real crush. I would have been 11 (or maybe just turned 12) at the time. It was Easter 1993 when I first got into Queen and realised how pretty Brian was...

I was a huge Queen fan and, of course, it was Brian that started my descent into my own personal hell...

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."

(And yeah I know this was actually a misquote of Hunter S Thompson but I like it so fuck off).

I have seen Brian live numerous times (solo, with Queen, and guesting with Roger Taylor, Alice Cooper, and Status Quo).

I greatly respect Brian for everything he does; he cares passionately for animal rights and he is an incredibly intelligent man. But sometimes he speaks and I cringe... That's life, though.

He'll always have my respect, no matter how many times he pisses me off...

Beautiful Men, Part 11 - Glenn Tipton

October 25 1947 -

I actually got into Glenn Tipton through Cozy Powell. Cozy had played on Glenn's Baptizm Of Fire album and I loved that one from the start (though Edge Of The World was much stronger in the end).

From there, I got into Judas Priest. I started with the Ripper years and worked backwards. I saw them in concert at Universal City, California in 2002 (gig was postponed after 9/11) and I spent the whole night screaming "GLENN!! FUCK ME!!" My mate said there was a bloke called Glenn 3 rows in front of me absolutely shitting himself...

Then, of course, Rob came back. I bought the album they released straight after (I can't even remember the name! How bad is that?) and I saw them live in Cardiff. I was so disappointed. Glenn was the only good thing about the night (oh, and Matthias Jabs from The Scorpions who can spank me any day of the week but only if he leaves his hat on to hide his massive bald patch...). Rob lumbered around the stage like an old man with a back injury. Judas Priest was dead for me from that point on.

I still enjoy Glenn's solo stuff and I have just recently started listening to Priest again (not post-Ripper though).

Glenn is rare in that he is a Brummie I actually like... Living in Birmingham throughout my teen years kind of put me off the people a little... Even though he is in his 60s, the long hair and tight pants still suit him.

Negative stuff? Well rumour has it heavy drug use has left him largely impotent. Also, he is apparently seeing one of Cozy Powell's exes. They were good mates and I find that distasteful...

My issue with stalkers

I'm overly sensitive. I know I am. I have reason, though...

I've been stalked a few times which is surprising when you think about it. First time was when I first moved to Los Angeles. He was a grad student at my college and he asked me out when I first met him. I said no. I have never really been interested in casual dating, especially with guys who are 6'5"... (I know, I know... he could be in proportion but still...). It started small at first. He would catch the same bus as me and would watch me intently. Then he started showing up in the same clubs as me (right the other side of LA to where we went to uni). He would latch on to my friends and try to get in with them to get close to me. He'd follow me around Downtown LA at night... The final straw was when I went shopping in Pasadena and he followed me into every single shop I went into. That freaked me out so much that I confessed to my boyfriend what was going on (after 8 months of my feeling threatened). He beat the crap out of the guy. It was only later that I found out my stalker had been threatening my boyfriend's kids...

Fast forward a couple of years. I was working in the music industry and was quite high profile. I was also having a well-known affair with a married musician. Suddenly all these girls were emailing me and asking me questions about my old man. I was protective over him so kept quiet. Then the death threats started. Not just against me but also him and his family. I had people start showing up at my home. After my car got set on fire, I decided to fight back. I started using my position to trace these people and did a little bit of stalking back...

One girl was desperate to have kids so I FedExed her a baby basket full of sand. Of course, I got the sand from one of the dirtiest beaches in California so it was also full of dog shit, broken glass, and used condoms (and yes, I have to thank Auntie Glo for that one...).

I'd have sex toys delivered to them where they worked.

I even hired fat strippers to show up at their family gatherings.

I may be petty but I get the job done...

Of course, I eventually broke up with that worthless piece of crap and then I experienced real stalking... He, again, threatened to kill me. He had me followed by private investigators. He broke in my home and tried to strangle me. He even beat me up in the centre of a club in Hollywood, breaking my ribs, my nose, and my hand. The worst thing? No one helped me... I got a restraining order against him. He ignored it. I sued him. He ignored it. I went to the media. He got the hint and backed off. I still see him out in LA sometimes but I am good at disappearing when I have to.

So now...

Someone gets intense online, I get defensive. All that shit a few months ago with the hardcore fans was a bit too much for me and that is one of the reasons I removed myself from the situation.

But I do now have some great skills for fighting stalkers...

More than just a dog...

Poor Gino. He just wants to be a family pet but he has so much responsibility...

Dino moved in with us just after my dad died (1991). He was already an adult dog and my nan had had him for years but collies are not suited to old ladies who don't like to exercise. Gino helped me lose 70lbs while I was a teenager by constantly hitting the bricks with me up in Birmingham. The neighbours used to comment that we always seemed to be out... We were... we walked about 5 hours a day (both before and after school). We were happy.

I went off to uni (1999) and Dino suddenly started ageing. He went grey and stopped wanting to walk because his hips got bad. It got worse when I moved to LA; he went blind and senile (and dug his own grave in the back garden). When I came home after my year abroad, I was in my aunt's kitchen and he leant against me and just breathed in my scent... He was happy for the first time in ages.

I did 2 more years of uni and then moved back in with Dino. He was a very old dog by this point (he was 17). We spent his last days just being close. He no longer walked. I spent the last few months sitting up with him all night and picking him up and carrying him outside when he'd been unable to get up and had peed on himself. It was very sad. In the end, he haemorrhaged and I made the call to have him put to sleep. The vet said if we'd waited an hour, he would have died anyway and here's a nice big fat bill (you miserable bastard).

I was devastated. I loved Dino so much and then he was gone.

No more pets. Couldn't cope with it any more.

Then my mom called me and said her friend's collie had had pups and they needed homes...

I said yes straight away (though I did cry as I said it).

It was 7 months after we lost Dino, though.

About 6 weeks later, we were handed a cute black and white little fur ball. I wanted to call him Koshka (I later named my business that) but it was decided that we were all so bad with names that we may as well call him either Beano or Geno. Eventually, it was decided he was a Gino (we are Italians, after all).

I had never had a puppy before and did not realise how destructive they were. He ate all of my socks and shoes and crapped everywhere...

We had had him two days when I was standing outside a local supermarket, holding him while every passer-by fussed over him. Then I met this woman... She begged me to take in a collie that was being abused. I said I would look after him til he was rehomed. Boomer moved in with us and he couldn't be rehomed... He had been so badly abused that no one would take him on with his issues. We worked with him (spent a fortune on dog trainers) but eventually it got too much and we had to have him put to sleep (he got an extra 5 years out of us, though).

So Apirl this year. Boomer (who was always my baby) is gone. Just me and Gino (and a geriatric cat).

At first, Gino suffered from horrible separation anxiety; he always loved his big brother, even when they fought. I said, OK, he can sleep in my room for a few days til he is settled... Well it is August and he still sleeps there. I think it is more for me than him, though.

He's quite funny. He goes up to bed and waits in my room. Once I have taken my face off and whatever, I get into bed and he climbs in beside me. We have a quick cuddle and then I roll over to go to sleep. He will lay on the bed for about ten minutes and then get on the floor. After another 10 minutes, he moves to the hallway. After 5 more minutes, he takes a step downstairs. If I call him, he get back into bed and does the process again. If I don't, he assumes I am asleep and no longer need him and he goes downstairs and sleep with the cat in the living room. I think he feels a duty to comfort me...

We've also started letting him off the lead in public for the first time. He was never socialised because of Boomer (who could not be) and so he panics a bit around other dogs. He's had a couple of fights but nothing major. He's suddenly looking toned and like an adult instead of a squidgy puppy (he is 5 now...).

He's our guard-dog but he doesn't bark. He babysits the kids. He looks after the cat.

And when my back went last week, he slept, pressed right against my spine to ease the pain...

If I need to photograph something and need a background, I use Gino's fur. He has appeared in photos with my Betsey Johnson collection, my Hoppo cup, and my press photos.

This last week, I have been looking after Diane, a French terrier, and her puppy, Cocoa.

I was worried as Gino is a bit territorial but he loved Diane from the start. Cocoa on the other hand... This dog and her puppy have been passed amongst loads of people for the last few months and no one has bothered to teach them any discipline. Well, I'm not going to be bitten and have shit all over my house. Diane was deeply aggrieved by my attitude...

Cocoa loved Gino. Worshipped. He would climb on Gino almost constantly and then I caught him nuzzling under Gino's leg and it was making Gino very nervous. Turns out Diane had stopped feeding Cocoa and he was looking for milk elsewhere. Gino was horrified because he doesn't lactate...

Gino was a great host, all in all. He didn't kill anyone; just snapped as a warning occasionally. He was happy when the puppy left though as he no longer had to hide in my room for peace during the day.

Tonight he's been for a run with me, had his dinner, and is now ready to escort me to bed. Tomorrow he will wait for the mail-man and make sure no one craps on our lawn before going to watch out for butterflies laying eggs on out cabbages.

He's more than just a dog, our Gino...

Beautiful Men, Part 10 - Anthony Carroll

August 6 1976 -

We're returning to the Bondi Lifeguards for this entry.

Harries is really quite an amazing-looking guy. He's handsome, great smile, perfectly toned, lovely, outgoing personality...

But there's something I don't like about him...

Maybe he's too perfect...

It is hard to explain. He's nice to look at but... hmm...

I'd still do him but only casual, like.

He does an admirable job and I am sure he is a great guy.

But he hasn't accepted my friend request on Facebook! That's it! The git... ;)

Beautiful Men, Part 9 - Hayato Tani

(Iwatani Hajime)

September 9 1946 -

I guess he is best known as the General on Takeshi's Castle. That is how I first discovered him, anyway. I've watched quite a few of his movies and I think it is fair to say I do not rate him amongst my top 5 actors but then his acting style was appropriate in the 1970s and does suit TV work more...

Like the others, I do find him really rather dishy. He's also hilariously funny (watch original Japanese versions of Fuun! Takeshi-Jo) and he speaks very good English (Clive James episode will show this, as do the international episodes).

He still does some TV work in Japan and is a bit of a fitness freak. All good.

Inspirational Women, Part 13 - Minnie Riperton

November 8 1947 - July 12 1979

Les Fleurs is one of my favourite songs of all time. Minnie Riperton was one of those artists that only had a very short career but still managed to produce some incredibly influential songs.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 1976 and was given just 6 months to live but she continued recording and touring. She publicly discussed her condition (rare at the time) and worked to highlight the problem for women.

She died aged 31 three and a half years after her initial diagnosis.

Inspirational Women, Part 12 - Dorothy Parker

August 22 1893 - June 7 1967

Dorothy Parker (nee Rothschild) is one of those authors I can always pick up when I am suffering self-doubt. She really was the height of wit.

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires."

Her influence can still be felt today. She even taught at my LA university :)

Beautiful Men, Part 8 - Cozy Powell

December 29 1947 - April 5 1998

I was really into Queen during my early teens so my sister took me to see the Brian May Band in Cardiff in 1993. Cozy was playing drums. That's it! Hooked.

Through Cozy, I got into bands like Rainbow, Whitesnake, ELP... that then progressed onto Deep Purple, Judas Priest, Motorhead... We wont talk about that, though.

I always thought he was stunningly attractive. He was into the same things as me - fast cars, motorbikes, country living, animal welfare.

Cozy was killed in a car accident whilst driving from his home in Berkshire to see his married girlfriend in Cardiff. He lost control of his Saab 9000 just outside Bristol on the M4. He was doing over 100mph, was over the legal drink drive limit, and was talking on his cell phone. The official verdict was death by misadventure; he was thrown from his car and crushed to death under it when it rolled on to him.

I was devastated. I had never lost a hero before.

Of course, after his death, people started coming out of the woodwork. All of his property was auctioned off by a distant relative and his manager did a tell-all interview in which she said Cozy was constantly suing people and was suicidal at times. She should have kept that to herself.

I still miss him dearly.

Will love you forever, Coze...

Feeling nautical...

Analysis of a Bondi Rescue Fan

This is the first in an occasional series. I am not treating this as a standard psychological profile but I think this will be interesting for quite a few people who have had the misfortune to experience this girl's wrath. I won't name the individual. However, a bit of research will bring up exactly who I am talking about anyway. There are no ethics issues involved, firstly because this girl is not an ethical person herself and secondly, this is a blog, not a psychology conference. Don't like it? Don't read it.

This is purely about one girl. This is not an amalgam of characters. That is not necessary when this one individual provides such excellent material herself.

I will also quickly say I do not mean to cause offence to anyone (except this girl) so if I say something that seems negative, please understand I did not mean it that way...

So...

Bondi Rescue.

For those unfamiliar with the series, it follows the lifeguards on Bondi Beach while they, umm... well, while they lifeguard. It's that simple. OK some of the guys look absolutely stunning *cough*Hoppo*cough* but that's it. It is interesting (you do learn stuff as much as you want to treat it as mindless escapism, just staring at pretty boys) and it is also really quite funny. But these are ordinary guys. They are not celebrities. And that makes them rather easy to gain access to...

I, of course, follow Hoppo on Twitter and he's on my Facebook friends list. He's retweeted a couple of my posts and answered a question of mine (about seagull shit of all things...) but that's as far as it has gone. I wont harass him. I wont ask him stupid questions. That would be inappropriate behaviour on my part.

Shame others do not think this way...

When I am bored, I will have a look at some of the posts directed towards Hoppo on Twitter. It's usually mundane stuff ("OMG Bondi Rescue is on later! I heart @lifeguardhoppo", "what animal/fruit/household object would you most like to be @lifeguardhoppo?" and "hey @lifeguardhoppo what is ur fave song"). It's inoffensive enough; just strikes me as being a little childish sometimes but most of the posters are under 15 so it is to be expected.

But during one of these read throughs, I discovered this girl (I will refer to her as "girl" throughout as she is most definitely not a woman). She was 19 at the time - since turned 20 - an Australian, a bit plain-looking, slight weight problem, nothing too bad. She is the type that would kind of blend into the background if it wasn't for her behaviour.

The first posts were simple enough - "Hey Hop how was the movie?" but then things changed... "Hop follow me back I need to talk to you" "Hop help me to be a Bondi Lifeguard" "Hop tell Deano to unblock me or he is going to make me madder" (I am paraphrasing as she has since protected her tweets and I cannot access most of them though she has had several accounts over recent weeks). Hoppo politely responded to some, sensibly ignored others. It was the last comment that intrigued me, though.

A post from her on Hoppo's Facebook page also caught my attention - "hey hoppo how are you and I want help from you so I can become a lifeguard on Bondi I was getting help from Deano on twitter but he blocked me can you help me instead please comment when the next time you come on :))".

So I started investigating.

Deano is another lifeguard. Seems like a nice guy. Funny, caring, but also seems much more open with fans than Hoppo (which I do not view as a good thing as everything can get out of hand with the wrong fan very quickly). Deano does provide words of encouragement to girls who want to be lifeguards. Nothing major, just enough to make them feel like someone is supporting them. As I said, nice guy. Again, I follow Deano on Twitter but only casually.

So basically this is what happened...

This girl was following Deano before Hoppo and asked him to help her train to be a lifeguard. He followed her back and offered a few bits of advice (go running, start yoga, etc). Then she got a bit intense... It was small things at first like asking Deano to follow her friends so they could talk to him and telling people how close she was with him. She even sent him photos of her doll and asked him to comment on them... She was 19 at the time, FFS. Then she changed her screen name on Twitter to *****_Deano_BFF and started referring to him as her best friend. She even asked him if, when she next visits Bondi, they could go off and do something together as best friends. I don't know if anything else was said as this time as it seems some posts were deleted. Deano, though, blocked her.

She then went a bit, well, psycho. She was sending messages to everyone she could ordering them to get Deano to unblock her. She also posted on Facebook at this time that someone was being mean to her because she is disabled. I don't know if that was aimed at Deano but it was certainly the correct time frame. She registered new Twitter accounts and even started to engage Deano's dog in conversation.

Then it got REALLY weird.

She set up a new account called *****_Hoppo_BFF and started harassing Deano again. In one post, she said he only blocked her because she is disabled and therefore he must be racist...??? (This incidentally made Kay laugh like a drain as she is an expert on racism and had never experienced such insanity before). She also posted one of the funniest things I had seen in my life - "@lifeguardhoppo if you help me be a bondi lifeguard i will show you a piccy of my vadge i showed deano but he blocked me afterward". Well... I called Kay (who is in Spain) and we cried laughing at that one.

Everything kind of kicked off at that point. One of her friends (who is also apparently friends with Deano) refused to speak to her any more and it seems quite a few other people stopped following her. She then changed her main Twitter account name to Hoppo_*****_BFF and set it to private.

It then went quiet for a few days. I get online this morning, though, to see that she has (apparently) been badmouthing the mutual friend who dropped her and she (who is only 15 and like a billion times more grown up than this main girl) then put her in her place.

She has now set her Facebook page to private too. Though she never did much with it anyway - just correcting spellings of fans on Hoppo's page and claiming she was ready to have a baby with some guy who seems to be living in 1955...

But it's still going on...

Her doll has its own Twitter page. Bella_*****_BFF. The doll's biography is the following - "Hello I'm Bella And I Love To Watch The Bondi Boys With My Mum ******** And I'm Not A Real Baby I'm A Baby Born And I Love My Mum Lots And I Wish I Had A Dad". Poor Hoppo... I feel this is going to get worse for him, especially as the doll is following him too...

The doll has sent the following message to the girl - "@Hoppo_*****_BFF mum you know you don't have to get mad at Rachel she is your friend and don't give up on her yet promise me on this one mum". What. The. Fuck. This was AFTER she had verbally abused Rachel (the grown-up 15 year old from earlier).

I actually find this frightening. I genuinely believe this girl is dangerous. She seems to be getting much worse and she is focusing all of her attention on Hoppo right now. She even asks if she can call him while he is at work. That's way out of line.

So what have we learned?
She has no strong male role model in her life
She is developmentally arrested, hence the doll
She is showing symptoms of MPD
She would have been bullied in school
She has maybe one or two friends in the real world and does all of her living through the internet
She has probably had a couple of brief sexual experiences, most likely with a relative or a female (now former) friend
She vicariously lives through the lifeguards as they are successful whereas she is unable to fulfil any of her own dreams
She may have been sexually abused as a child and so that is why she is behaving inappropriately towards Hoppo (the vagina comment)
She views Hoppo as a father figure or saviour. She has no romantic or sexual interest in him but only knows one way to get acceptance from older men
And finally...
She needs help.

In the UK, I could file to have her sectioned under the Mental Health Act but I know very little about how that would work in Australia. I do hope someone steps in and does something before she hurts someone, though. What if she gets down to Bondi and Hoppo rejects her advances? Or even worse, what is she sees Deano, someone she still harbours intense resentment towards?

Recently it seems that some people have tried to snap her back to reality but she always has the same routine - she blocks them and then claims they are picking on her because she is disabled. If she tries that with me, there WILL be trouble...

And if it is a disability making her behave the way she is, she should be in a care home and not on the internet. I am fairly sure that we can also now class her as a liar...

**Update 18/8**

I have resisted posting an update so far as I think my original post was fairly comprehensive but things are going a little more nutty...

How far had we got? Oh yeah, she was using her doll's account to talk about Rachel. Well... She then used the doll account to ask Deano to unblock her main account. The post was something along the lines of "Please unblock my mum ******** as she was really upset when you blocked her" or similar. After posting it, she set the account to private again. Then she apparently deleted her main account - Hoppo_*****_BFF (I could be wrong here but it completely vanished). She returned about 12 hours later with a new account. I forget the name (something to do with stars or something) and in her bio, she did her usual thing about how Hoppo will help her be a lifeguard, etc, and she also posted "Hoppo is the best friend I could ever have"... From what I can gather, she has never met him. He's a nice guy and all but come on. If someone you just know from TV is your best friend, then your life is pretty pathetic; she must not have any social interactions at all offline. She then changed her account name (again something to do with stars) and was talking to Hoppo and Reidy but not really saying anything.

So that's the story so far. I would have left it at that. It doesn't really interest me unless they are being totally psycho. Just general ramblings are not entertaining at all. But then...

As my regular readers know, I like a good fight but I don't like direct threats... You wanna call me a bitch, go ahead. You threaten me physically and I'll beat the crap out of your dad... it's that simple.

So last night on Twitter I asked Hoppo something about some event they have at Bondi at the weekend and said I would watch on the surfcam (literally, a live feed of the beach; I've not yet seen anything too fun but I like to watch the sunrise just as it's getting dark here... morning person, you see...). Then this morning I received this -

*****_Hoppo_BFF
@irezumimuzan ok @lifeguardhoppo told me through my cat that surf cam is just for me to watch so you can not look anymore you understand ok

Might that be a threat? Seems like a threat to me. We'll get to the talking cat in a moment, btw... It's the "you understand" thing I don't like. It wasn't even phrased as a question. Time for an internet war? I think so. And talking cat = schizophrenia... I am not too sure how to respond. I don't want anyone else to think I am crazy if I suddenly tear the shit out of this girl. It's gonna happen though...

So all bets are off. I am going to closely monitor her now and report every crazy thing she does as evidence. I wont rest til the bitch is locked up.

Always have hated internet psychos, you know...

**Update 2**

So...

I have had a busy few hours.

Last time, I was trying to decide how to respond to her kind-of threat. I ended up simply saying "OK" and in the same post offered to put Bruce in touch with my lawyer who dealt with my stalking case (OK he's based in California but he does specialise in internet harassment and that's an international issue). Hoppo retweeted my comment and also the original one and then I suddenly had lots of people come forward to either say they had also had trouble with this girl or to offer theories on what is going on. It has made for very interesting reading... Quite frankly, I don't know how to put it all into words.

To sum up, she has been doing this kind of thing for a while and she follows the same formula every time. Everyone is getting sick of her abuse and there is a strong movement to get her off the internet.

And I have discovered a pure genius - @StalkerStopper

I will try to get my thoughts in order and may post a little more either later or tomorrow.

(This doesn't help me write essays, you know!).

**Update 20/8**

These have been forwarded to me (thank you!). These are some of Courtney's (YEAH COURTNEY'S! Not going to protect her any more...) most recent tweets... Enjoy!

These were all sent by StarMercury1242

i wish that @lifeguardhoppowould follow me on here so he can help me to become a lifeguard on Bondi 12:23 AM Aug 17th via Twitterific

@lifeguardhoppohey hop how are you my neck hurts :( 3:44 PM Aug 17th via Twitterific

@Reidy__thats a awesome pup you've got via web in reply to Reidy__

@Reidy__ have a good sleep Reidy :)) via web in reply to Reidy__

@StalkerStopper i didn't say that you fucking liar via Twitterific in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper why are you being so mean to me i'm not stalking anyone and i'm not behaving like a 4 year old via web in reply to StalkerStopper

is not happy at @StalkerStopper if you ever be mean to me again i'm going to block you via web

@StalkerStopper hello i have met Hoppo you loser via web in reply to StalkerStopper

I'm not going through this drama again @StalkerStopper if he keeps on being mean to me I'm going to get more angry at you via Twitterific

@Rach_Deano_BFF you will never ever become a lifeguard at Bondi it's my dream not yours you should be a vet not a lifeguard you bitch via Twitterific in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@deano_BondiLG look what I did for you #Kimi http://twitpic.com/2fto5r via Twitpic

@lifeguardhoppo what did you find i made something for you hop via web in reply to lifeguardhoppo

@irezumimuzan if you ever be mean to me i'm going to block you about 24 hours ago via web in reply to irezumimuzan

@Rach_Deano_BFF stop being mean to me you loser and btw i'm going to become a Lifeguard before you B**ch about 24 hours ago via web in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@Rach_Deano_BFF if you ever send me a message again I will report you to twitter about 24 hours aho via web in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@lifeguardhoppo @deano_BondiLG i made this for you guys http://twitpic.com/2fwe2b about 22 hours ago via Twitpic

@StalkerStopper my doll Bella doesn't talk neither does my cat your a big fat liar about 22 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper i did not show my vagina to people you liar about 22 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper i am never going to make people see my tweets you fucking liar about 22 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper i do not have crazy rants you loser about 21 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper i am never going to put my cat or my Bella onto ebay about 21 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@StalkerStopper i have met Hoppo your a fat liar about 21 hours ago via web in reply to StalkerStopper

@Rach_Deano_BFF yeah whatever your a loser and a bitch and deano is my mate not you about 19 hours ago via TweetDeck in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@Rach_Deano_BFF I'm not being mean to the lifeguards your a fat bitch and a loser about 19 hours ago via TweetDeck in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@StalkerStopper I know what the western front is you loser about 10 hours ago via Twitterrific in reply to StalkerStopper

@Rach_Deano_BFF what my picture is not living a lie about 10 hours ago via Twitterrific in reply to Rach_Deano_BFF

@xKayti if you ever talk about me again btw I am deano's friend ask him and prove to me I am his friend about 10 hours ago via Twitterrific in reply to xKayti

I am not happy at @Rach_Deano_BFF she is telling people what my username is and I am getting more angrier by the minute about 10 hours ago via Twitterrific

@tarni_ yeah we are mates and Bondi Rescue is really good 37 minutes ago via Twitterrific in reply to tarni_

**Update 22/8**

I have a feeling this will be the last update...

I had to knock off one of the comments below because I found out some interesting information about the poster. If you are going to pretend to be a totally independent third party, then don't make your association with one of the parties so incredibly well-known. I read about 10 lines of their morality speech and I just couldn't be bothered any more. They are the sort of person that quotes and evaluates every single sentence in that quasi-academic way that makes all bloggers look bad. And when I realised they were deliberately misinterpreting what I was saying to make me look bad... Well, I am not going to waste my time with that. Advertising their own blog on my blog? That's just cheeky. They accused me of cyber-bullying but that is exactly what they were doing. I am supposed to get a load of abuse and sit quietly and smile. Not gonna happen. And questioning my education and intelligence? Come on. Education is not a weapon and should not be used as such.

So anyway...

The girl has, allegedly, agreed to stop harassing the lifeguards. If that stays in place, I am happy to let it all go. But I expect her to leave everyone else alone also. If I hear of anything else, I will step up my campaign against her. I even went as far as contacting my lawyer to see if we could have her sectioned. That is still being investigated; she obviously should not be allowed on the internet unsupervised.

A bit of Betsey...

Again, I haven't been posting but I have still been collecting. I will try to get some more photos uploaded when I get chance.

Beautiful Men, Part 7 - Charles Nagy

May 5 1967 -

Charles Nagy is the reason I watched baseball for 10 years. Well... not quite. Geddy Lee is actually the reason I started watching baseball but Charlie kept me hooked.

They used to show baseball on Channel 5 at some ungodly hour so I would record the games and watch them the next day (I was in school at the time and hadn't yet been stricken with insomnia). Early on in my watching, I caught a game between the Indians and the Twins. It was rained out in the end but I did notice Charlie and thought he was a bit of a babe...

Over the next few months, I caught more Indians games and really developed a liking for this bloke. I cried when they lost the World Series. I kept following him right up til his retirement, though.

So he married his high school (or was it college?) sweetheart. They have a couple of daughters and live just outside San Diego. She's a long-distance runner. He's coaching now, I believe.

Rumour has it he has an absolutely massive cock and there are supposed to be pictures circulating out there. Anyone wanting to send them my way, drop me an email...

Weekly Update - 10/8

I know, I know. These posts are getting further apart. I am trying but I just lack time right now. I will be back properly soon enough...

Had an essay due this week and I finished all the reading for that module early so I am going to put it all away for a few weeks before I start my exam revision.

Also been off sick with an ear infection. Went completely deaf yesterday morning on the train into work and my hearing is only just returning now.

I think I am falling in love... I am trying not to. I don't have the time or energy for a relationship right now, especially one that I know will be "difficult"... He is a good man though and maybe in the future...

Other than that, I am babysitting a friend's dog and her puppy. The puppy is really provoking Gino who does not like young dogs. No fights so far. Though the cat did just make the puppy bleed but I view that as a learning exercise...

My weekly challenge is to throw away 100 things. Don't care what things; just need to streamline...

Also want to finish most of my college work, read Baseballissimo, and watch Teeth...

Weekly Update - 4/8

Been busy again. Sorry.

First of all... Prop 8 overturned! Yes!! This has to be a positive thing.

Also got a great grade in another essay (highest grade I have ever got).

On leave from work right now so relaxing and writing and generally being a super-bitch. The usual fun stuff :)

I am a comic genius...

Protein kick still going well. I am feeling pretty good. A bit tired at times but I seem to be getting better. Though I did have to go to bed for an hour this afternoon...

I have nothing profound to say right now but I hope to return over the next few days...