Our house, in the middle of our street

Ah, my neighbours...

Wankers.

The guy next door has decided he does not like my cats and now does not want them anywhere near his property. Have you ever tried training a cat? He decided this because we objected to him trying to dig up the foundations of our house. He has so far encroached onto out property by 3 feet at the front with his driveway and wall and he keeps digging up our flower beds. When we objected, he suddenly did not like cats...

There's the guy up the road who moved in sometime in the 1980s after his folks bought him the house. It is stuffed wall to wall with old newspapers. There's a bookcase blocking one window that has been there since the day he moved in. He only leaves the house to mow the lawns at the local church.

Know what I think?

Serial killer.

The woman over the road and up one has that psycho dog that broke my mother's hand a couple of years ago and keeps going for me. She wont muzzle it and the local police are not interested.

The woman over the road and down one often stands on the doorstep early in the morning screaming "You fat twat!" at her live-in boyfriend when he leaves to play golf.

So classy.

Two doors up from us, the woman who gets lonely so calls 999 three times a week and says she thinks she is dying because "that nice ambulance lady always makes me a cup of tea".

Two doors down? Convicted paedophile.

Three doors down is the lovely woman who decided that she was tired of having an affair so she stabbed her husband - he survived - and moved her lover in (and the husband's property out) while he was recovering in the hospital.

Over the road and down two is the weird woman who only lets her adult sons out at 7pm to go to the local shop and they have to be back by 7:15 or she calls the police. All on the dole.

Top of the road - THEM. Violent parents and badly behaved children that have been expelled from more schools than you could imagine. The youngest was banned from Brownies at age 6 for racially abusing a young Asian girl. The kids are all barred from the local shops for stealing. He weighs a good 30 stone and thinks all women fancy him (try ya luck with me, ya cunt!) and she is a chain-smoking ex-prostitute.

And we live out in the country! That's the annoying thing... When I lived in Birmingham, we expected this kind of stuff but not down in South Wales.

The entire family have decided to move back to the West Midlands for the safety and protection of the children. I have my eye on a little cottage just outside Stanford Bridge in Worcestershire. Mom is looking at Kidderminster. My sister is looking at a renovation project in Hereford.

I will always be proud to be Welsh but the country has just gone to shit.