I am officially unemployed

And I am really quite happy about it!

Don't get me wrong; I loved the job for a long time (hell, I just hit 4 years service) and I had some great friends there but it just got too much...

The job requirements changed a lot and went from being customer focused to all about revenue. Add that to the fact that my manager was so hateful towards me and I just gave up. I wrote my resignation letter in the head of HR's office at 3:30 this afternoon. The whole time I was with her, my phone was ringing as another employer was trying to contact me to offer me an interview. I can live with that.

I have got a month's pay and a good reference but I do lose my shares in the company (which are worth fuck all anyway).

Taking a few days off and then starting the fun of sending my CV to everyone that will accept it.

But the good times... they mainly involved blu-tak...

Like us throwing small bits of blu-tak at each other. Great fun til one lad got hit in the face with a piece the size of a golf ball...

Flipping each other's screens upside down...

"Earth-quake proofing" someone's desk whilst they were on lunch. Took them half hour to work out why they could not move their mouse...

Unplugging keyboards...

Childish, I know...

Hehehehe...

Managing to convince one guy that the Peugeot he was trying to insure was a Japanese import... from JAPAN...!

Telling all the girls in the office that the weirdo on my team fancies them... that one will keep him going for weeks...

I move on.

:)

Latest dodgy job offer

If it seems too good to be true...

Keith Dungait dungait_keith@sky.com

show details 3:35 PM (6 hours ago)

Hi,

your CV was brought to our attention from Fish4jobs.co.uk. We work with the largest health and nutrition company in the world and are looking for 3 key people to head up the expansion of our Wellness Clubs within your area, working as a Personal Wellness Coach.

The correct candidate will be teachable and have a go to work attitude, with a drive and determination to succeed in the field of wellness and health. Having a background in this arena is advantageous, so you can get off to the fastest start possible!

As a self employed Wellness Coach, on a part time basis, upto 15 hours per week, on average earnings are around £1000 - £2500 per month (£30 000 per year) On a full time basis you can expect to develop an income in excess of £5000+ per month.

Rather than me go into full detail in an email, please review our web site www.CreateFreedom.co.uk

I look forward to speaking with you once you have reviewed the information on the site. which will give you more details. Register, by completing the online form; we can then have a conversation, where I will answer all your questions. The correct candidate from there will be expected to attend an induction day to understand fully and begin their training.

I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Warm Regards

Keith Dungait

It's amazing...

...how many ebay sellers have a "family crisis", "sick relative", "missing dog", etc, just as my purchased item needs to be shipped...

I have been a part of over 4000 ebay transactions since 2000 as either a buyer or seller and I must have heard that excuse more than two hundred times. And every time they do not email me as soon as the problem breaks. No. They leave it a fortnight for me to start chasing my order and then pop out the excuse. Funny how they are able to leave feedback on other transactions but not send a simple email...

Just had the same problem with another seller. I have been waiting a fortnight for liam78models to send a record I have bought from him (for quite a lot of money, I might add). I emailed him yesterday morning and asked what was going on as he was not communicating with me. He responded that he had a "major family crisis" and would mail it on Thursday. Like fuck he will... He has very low DSRs for taking ages to send stuff out so this is not an isolated incident. I have asked for a full refund as he has not fulfilled his obligations as a seller (by even maintaining basic communication). Remains to be seen what happens next... His response will decide the feedback he gets.

It doesn't take much to be polite and courteous to your buyers. They are giving you money; the least you can do is offer decent customer service.

RIP Ryan Dunn

June 11 1977 - June 20 2011

Looking good...

I have finally received my refund from HMRC. Only been waiting since February. Must be a personal best for them... Also had a very good ebay weekend so I am clearing a bit of space. The cash is nice too, of course.

I still have the house guests from hell here. Have not slept in days. I am being surprisingly tolerant, though. My sister is coming over later so I can dash out to run errands without causing too much offence.

Was my brother-in-law's 40th birthday party Saturday night. I was in charge of decorations and we did really quite a good job. His band provided the entertainment and the beer was cheap. Caught up with a lot of people I have not seen in ages so that was interesting too.

Heading to the spa again this evening. I am not having any treatments myself but am going along with someone else for the entertainment side of it. A group of us went Friday night and we didn't get out til well past midnight. It was a really good evening though and everyone was impressed with the treatments.

Off work for a few more days and I should be getting my uni results this week... Can't wait...!

heart-trending = thieving little cunt!

My blog is copyrighted.

Clearly stated to the right -->

I had to do this after that impotent little train geek started having my writing printed in the local paper as his own.

So why the fuck would anyone still steal my stuff?!!

I was browsing the Tatty Devine listings on ebay earlier when I came across this one. When I first saw it, I thought that it was a weird coincidence that someone would have had exactly the same lucky dip box as me. Then I recognised my table cloth... The picture was taken straight from this post about the sale.

Come on now! The item they are selling is NOT EVEN IN THE PHOTO!!! Do they not own a camera??? The seller, heart-trending, has appalling feedback so I personally would never buy from them but the best thing? I actually sold that keyring on ebay myself two days ago for £15 with free postage. Good luck getting £25 with £8 shipping to the UK (and when I ship to Australia, it costs me less that £2.50 for an item of that size).

All around bad seller.

I have requested they remove the photo. If they do not, I will file a copyright infringement and then enjoy suing the fuck out of them.

We all have our hobbies...

Love your vagina

Follow up to yesterday's events

Been a kinda hectic 24 hours. I have been made out to be unreasonable and accused of jeopardising the entire UK tour because I don't appreciate rude behaviour.

Wonderful.

I feel so wronged.

I am/was a huge Bondi Rescue fan; I would not have dedicated so much time and effort to that blog if I was not. Yet I now feel like I have been screwed over by the Lifeguards themselves because of the actions of people that are purported to have been carried out in their name.

I cancelled my DVD pre-order of season 5. I love season 5! That was the best one. I felt bad for cancelling it but don't feel like I can watch Bondi Rescue any more without feeling hurt.

Hoppo said he was trying to sort out an interview with me so why was I told I could not have one? It was that clear cut. There was no communication with me other than the decline because the blog lacked quality.

I had one women dare to suggest that the UK tour may be cancelled because of me being treated badly. What the fuck?!! I am one person. I am certainly not going to get in the way of any one else's money-making opportunities. And I resent the suggestion that I have messed things up for the lifeguards by standing up and speaking out about the way I was being treated.

I am off twitter. Perhaps for good. I have unfollowed the LGs and unfriended them all on Facebook (even though it took me literally FOREVER to get Harries to accept me).

Why should it come to this? If I could not have an interview, then fine. Why not be nice about it? There was no need for that kind of personal rudeness.

The best thing? Owl Marketing obviously know fuck all about Bondi Rescue fans because if they did, they would know how popular my shitty little blog was. And yet they are making all the decisions for the tour? I guess they are enjoying their cut.

So what now? At least I have a new project... Everyone knows what I get like when companies piss me off...

I am very busy right now with family stuff so I will keep focused on that and see how I feel in a week's time.

But hey! At least I wasn't banging any of the lifeguards so I don't feel as bad as when I got screwed over by Motorhead's people...

I'm getting too old for all this shit.

At least I can stop saving for Australia and focus all my energies on moving back to Los Angeles. I am sure I could get an "easier" PhD in LA than in Sydney...

Raw update!

Backache is gone, jeans are so loose that I have to hold them up when I walk, tiredness is over, more alert, thinking clearer...

My skin is kinda bad right now but I am under a lot of stress anyway so it could be linked to that.

Raw is still going well. I did have some cooked lentils yesterday but I am not going to deny myself food; just be careful what I eat. I think I will be having a curry on Thursday.

And the wine drinking! The raw books say you should drink red wine for its health benefits so I put in a bit of effort and sourced some vegan red wine. I had not drunk red since I was doing my BA and had a red-wine-vomit-related incident... It was a struggle at first but I can now handle the odd glass of Merlot. Will be branching out to more interesting varieties over the coming weeks.

Will be giving Geddy a run for his money soon ;)

The end of the Hoppo Vault!

Ah I knew this time would come... but not under these circumstances.

The Lifeguards are coming to the UK for a tour and as it pretty much coincided with the first anniversary of the Hoppo blog, I decided to see if I could swing a little interview with Hoppo for it. Simple enough, considering my former occupation in the music industry; I can normally get access to anyone within 48 hours of actually trying.

Not this time.

The Hoppo blog has always been kept very simple as this is what fans wanted. My actual writings about Bondi Rescue have always been posted on Malignant Narcissism; just kept things easier that way. There were always links between the two so if you wanted to read something in-depth, you would come here. For escapism, we had the Hoppo Vault.

So when I heard about the UK tour, I asked Hoppo who I should contact re PR and was told Owl Marketing. Out of politeness, I went through them for an interview (rather than just going direct). When I was writing my last book, if I requested an interview with anyone (be it a member of Queen or a member of some shitty working men's club act), I expected a response within 24 hours from their people. This is just basic manners. Evidently, things have changed a lot since I last knocked out a piece of literary greatness because I have been ignored and made to wait excessively.

Just to clarify, I work full time. I have a home life. I am trying to sort out my PhD. I cannot leave things to the last minute as things go wrong that way. I need a level of organisation in my life. I also expect professionalism from the people I work with.

I waited. And waited.

In the meantime, fans that tried to establish what was happening with the UK gig were also ignored. So I can assume it was not personal?

Today I finished work to finally receive a response to my interview request.

No.

My blog is just not good enough.

Want to read the three books or literally dozens of newspaper and magazine articles I have had published and tell me they are not good enough too?

Livid is not the word. I have put in so much time and effort for it to be dismissed in one line of a (badly written) email.

The rumour is that you will only get an interview if you pay. Talk about taking advantage.

The lifeguards evidently are happy with this as they keep going on about what a great job Owl Marketing are doing for the UK tour. Not from a fan perspective; it is badly organised with them doing their best to keep our grubby little mitts off their sacred heifer.

You know what?

Fuck it.

I am past caring. I knew this tour would not have a positive ending. I have shut down the Hoppo blog and am not going to waste any more of my time and effort on it. We averaged 5500 hits a month which isn't too bad for a shit blog, huh? Still, what would I know?

Anyone wanna buy my Bondi Rescue DVDs and signed book? Email me with offers.

All is not well in the village

Problem with villages? Ageing population. I am practically a baby here at 30.

It's good because we don't have to put up with wild parties every night. It's bad because scammers come in and take advantage...

Last week, I was at work and my mother was dealing with my dog for me. Knock at the door from nPower sales people. These are linked to the good people at Progressive Global Training; when we were having our Sky pep rallies, the nPower folk would come in to see how it is done. Yeah whatever...

So anyway, the girl (commission only, feel kinda sorry for her) gave my mother the usual crap about how she should switch to nPower (even though they are more expensive than the current supplier).

Hilarious aside! When I was in uni, I sued nPower. nPower are not allowed to contact me any more. The judge told them that.

Mom said she was not interested. The girl then said "Oh OK. Can I just get the serial number off your meter to confirm you aren't switching and then you'll just need to sign something?" My mother told her to bugger off... they take the serial number when you ARE switching...

Then today I am at work again when there is a knock at the door. It is the daughter of elderly neighbours. They had had the same visit and HAD allowed them to check the meter and then had signed their forms. Then today a bloke came round to their house in just a t-shirt and jeans and said he was there to read the meter...???? Our meter reader wears a uniform and has an ID badge... They (naively) let him in and he went through the motions of reading the meter. The daughter was concerned so asked my mother for help. They observed him visit another neighbour and her meter is out the front. He did not have the required key to open it so the 3 women ordered him off the street (and he left!).

But what was he doing? Recon. If he comes back, me, my baseball bat, and my dog will be having a few friendly words.

Meanwhile, the daughter is fighting to stop the gas and electric being swapped against her parents' wishes.

And people think it is idyllic in the countryside...

More employment scams!

Ora Snyder to me

show details 3:55 AM (4 hours ago)

Hello !

Our firm has found your application in Totaljobs database and believe you are a perfect candidate for this job which we offer.

We would like to offer you a role as an agent in the financial operations department. The company is offering you the chance to participate in a trial distance-learning course which will allow you to learn about financial operations in World and will put you in a position to apply for a post in a large company.

For the period of the trial course we would offer you:
- support from a senior manager should any difficulties arise.
- work for 2-4 hours per working day, 2-3 days each week over the course of 1 working month;
- interaction with interesting people and work in a professional team;
- salary plus bonuses for correct implementation of the manager's instructions;


For more information, please reply to : lesson.oil@juno.com

All the best,
HR department

Affairs Valentino

I would review it (when it is published, of course) but I cannot...

Why?

Because it appears as though I am blocked from buying it!

The press release shouts

"THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN IN THE RUDOLPH VALENTINO WORLD SINCE SON OF THE SHEIK!"

There was at least one thing bigger than the release of this book since Son of the Sheik. What's that? Why, it's Valentino's death! Kinda a big event, at least for him, don't you think?

The press release also states you can buy it from Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Barnes & Noble and Indie Bound. As of right now, only Amazon.com is actually listing the book for sale. Nothing comes up with any of the others.

So why don't I buy it from Amazon.com? "We cannot ship this book to your default address", ie, the UK. Add to that the fact that this is not coming out as an ebook (because it takes a bit of effort to ensure ebooks are formatted correctly - and "I'm not rich enough to own a Kindle!" is not a good enough excuse for poor workmanship...) and it means that I simply cannot purchase it. One assumes I cannot just walk into a book store and buy this when I am next in LA.

Oh well. I would have been one of the few factual reviewers and they don't tend to like that.

If they ever stop discriminating against Europeans, I will certainly see what I can do.

Tatty Devine Bank Holiday Mega Sale!

Yes, I spend far too much money... I placed two orders, one Friday night and the other Sunday morning (Bank Holiday weekend) and finally received my order today... More on that later...

But this is what I got-

This first set are items I actually ordered - the parcel bow headband, the tape measure rosette (I've been an habitual dieter since 1989...), the sample pipe ring (my dad was a pipe smoker and Monday was the 20th anniversary of his death), and the two cat rings...

Then I ordered 5 mystery lucky dip boxes, 2 small, 3 large. This is the first small -

Love the moustache ring! I had been thinking of buying one anyway. I actually really like the pencil necklace too. I am a writer, after-all... I don't wear many brooches but the ruler is very cute.

My second small box. Red parcel bow ring (which I love!), the party popper necklace (these sell for a lot on ebay) and the popcorn earrings. I like those but will probably save them til Isobel gets her ears pierced as they are more her thing.

Then we are on to the big boxes! In the first one we have a crown headband (I will NEVER wear this but I am sure one of the kids will love it), martini glass necklace, 3D glasses pin, moustache ring (duplicate) and cowboy pocket pin.

Large box number 2 - telephone keyring (not my style), black cat ring, heart necklace, cowboy boot pin (which I actually love!), and a huge button pin.

Final box - aviator pin (I seem to remember these were very expensive), swallow necklace (people are going crazy over these), legs pin, letter necklace, and phone ring (again, not my style).

All in all, it was a pretty good haul...

But I have been left with some bad feeling. I was one of the last to get shipped. My sister ordered on the Monday afternoon and got her stuff before mine was even dispatched. Seems silly to me that they would not mail out in order. OK it was a large order but they could have said the biggest orders would be going out last? Though saying that, other people on Facebook received larger orders than mine before I did...

I actually asked to cancel my order after yet another frustrating day of it not being dispatched but that request was ignored.

I still love Tatty Devine but I think it will be a long while before I order anything else from there...

The personal nature of tattoos

First off, I completely stand by my anti-Bondi Rescue tattoo rant. I think that kind of ill-thought out tattoo makes the rest of us look stupid.

This woman has got Rod Kerr's autograph tattood (really quite hugely) on her side. While I would not have done it myself, it does actually look quite stylish...

But there's this one chick on Twitter who is making such a fuss about it, ie, "Hey everyone, did you see!!!" What the fuck has it got to do with her?

I have a shit load of tattoos and still get very defensive when people decide to make issues out of them. An example... I was outside Tesco today when some teenager decided to make a joke about one of my pieces. I got right in his face and screamed at him until he started to cry. Glad I can still intimidate tossers when I have to... :)

After-all, tattoos are very personal things...

I have everything from tribal to art nouveau to portraits to script... I would rather people ask me about them than make snide comments. OK it may be strange to you that I would get my former lover's face tattood on me or that I am considering having the portrait of a long-dead musician tattood on my arm. Why would I have script from the old testament on my shoulder? What is with all the animal/insect images?

(He wasn't always a bastard, I miss the guy and he deserves some respect, I am a Jew with a bizarre sense of irony, I prefer animals to people).

This is me. If you have a problem with it, don't look. It is not like I walk around naked or anything...

If you don't understand, ask! Don't mock people who choose to live life the way they want to. That's low.

Serious question now...

Are all professional footballers complete dicks?

I don't follow football so I genuinely don't know but come on now! The way some are behaving in the media right now is absolutely disgraceful.

We have Ryan Giggity-giggity who seems to have banged everyone in the country except me and my dog... What an absolute ass! You want the wholesome image preserved? Don't stick it in random holes then!

Jeez!

Then we have good old Rio Ferdinand.

Ollie Holt drew attention to the fact that Ferdinand had missed a drugs test and then the footballer sent the journalist the following lovely direct message on Twitter -

"You fat prick, u got something to say about me missing a drugs test say it when u see me."

Holt, of course, then posted it on Twitter for everyone to see. I would have done the same. Ferdinand then plays the victim, even though he was using very threatening tones. And you know what else? He does not know the difference between "your" and "you're". You'd think with all the money he makes, he'd get himself a decent basic education.

But no.

These are the role models of our kids.

Pillocks.

Tom, Tom, Tom...

I just don't GET IT!

You get all these girls going on about how gorgeous he is but... hmm... I dunno...

OK I felt he appeared a lot more personable after the drowning at Bondi because he finally seemed to express genuine human emotions but when he was in Bali, all he did was whine about the culture; I absolutely hate that! If you cannot accept the way of life of others, don't visit their country!

The girls argue that he is intelligent. That one just doesn't work with me... I like intelligent guys but they don't need to be college educated to get my attention...

So he has toned up a bit recently and so we can't mock him for his soggy bits any more but would I climb over Hoppo and Harries (preferably at the same time) for him?

Nah!

Loving the raw

Yup. Still at it.

I did have cooked food at the weekend (curry Saturday night) but in all honesty, I could have taken or left it. It was nice and all but a salad would have been just as nice...

I have got into a good little routine now - fruit for breakfast, salad with seeds for lunch, and dinner varies... soft tacos, raw pizza, garden burgers... Snacks are Nakd raw bars (love the Cashew Cookie one!) and nuts as I want them.

The weight is falling off me again (clothes shopping time!) and my back is no longer hurting as much. I am getting headaches but I think that is something to do with my vision so have an eye test tomorrow. I am not as tired and am managing to take Gino on long walks again... though I am now almost completely over that horrible ear infection which helps.

I am happy with what I am doing so am rewarding myself with spa treatments. Might as well...

Had great fun shopping for vegan wine today - wine is classed as raw, unlike spirits - and am going to have a go with a nice vegan merlot. It is supposed to be good for you so we shall see...

Never know, might even see me back in a dress by the height of summer...

Fuck Phil Campbell

Was sent a rather interesting interview last night (admittedly from late last year) in which Phil said he had just started working on his book. Just started working on this book. What book would this be? The one I spent two years working on for him?

Thought so.

Phil and I had a verbal agreement in which I would get 50% of the profits from the book. OK, he made this agreement whilst trying to get me to have sex with him one night in Germany (thank God for male performance anxiety is all I can say...). If I was as much of a cunt as he is, I would be calling lawyers right now.

But you know what?

Fuck 'em. Anyone willing to put up with his shit the way I had to deserves as much as they can get out of it. And he obviously wont be writing it alone because he could barely string a sentence together in an email back when I knew him. Ever heard of capitals or punctuation? I thought not. It is not like it will sell much anyway; who really wants to read 200 pages of his life? "Well I still live in the Valleys and so many people I have met think I am a degenerate..."

I am lucky to be out of it. At least I survived with my health.

I will not be silenced any longer, though.

No amount of threats from shady little men will harm me now. I am stronger and louder than you could ever imagine...

Cozy's drumsticks

My latest purchase. I placed a top bid of £300.01 and got them for under £70 (plus postage). Not bad. I assume they were from the sale of Cozy's property that his cousin organised following the accident; the sticks are still in the original packaging.
But fuck me, they're HUGE! This is a photo of them next to Neil Peart's sticks -

They are only a little longer but much wider and heavier. I just keep picking them up and laughing... even Mikkey Dee's were not this big and he's a short bloke... ;)

Review: Ambience

No 4 The Shops

The Uplands

Newport

NP10 9EZ

01633 692333

*****

I have been searching for somewhere new to get my hideous claws worked on ever since I had my moment with the Heaven Sent Day Spa. I just don't trust the Vietnamese places in town with my rather painful toes so had taken to wearing trainers and ignoring the discomfort...

So a few months ago, my mother mentioned there was a new beauty place open by her. I kept saying I should really get over there but you know how it is... This morning I woke up in so much pain with my horrible toes that I asked my mother to see if she could book my an appointment in the next few days.

I finish work tonight to be told I have an hour to get ready for my appointment.

Great.

Quick shower, straighten my hair (mainly to dry it) and then out.

I went for a pedicure and an Indian head massage.

The place - Treatments take place in the local hairdressers after hours. No spa pretentiousness; it's nice and calm but you don't have to worry about not fitting in.

The prices - Wow. My pedi was £15, a massage starts from £20. You can pay more than double in other places in town.

The treatments - The pedi was good; she really got through my nasty claws. I had a few painful moments but then I am overly sensitive about my feet. Foot soak, trim, file, cuticle work, massage, paint. My feet feel much better and they definitely look it too. I will be able to maintain this for a while.

As for the Indian head massage? I have had one before... 12 years ago... Again, there were a few painful moments when my neck went stiff but then it eased again. It was very relaxing (I was almost asleep afterwards) and definitely worth the money (£25). I staggered out all covered in oil... I think I will sleep well tonight but just hope I don't wake up stiff in the morning... It is kind of a brutal treatment but then those are my favourite sort. I feel a little tender but at least that annoying headache has gone and my hearing seems to be coming back after my bout of deafness...

I will be back. I fancy the ear candling next (again, done it before) and I have always fancied a hot stone massage... May even take my niece in before the party we are attending this month (cannot believe the party is already upon us).

So yeah, get over there. Can't think of a better way to spend a Friday evening...

New stuff

Just got some of the Sally Hansen Salon Effects nail polish strips. They aren't too bad. They are a tiny bit fiddly to get used to but so much easier than Minx. I have ordered some distinctly patterned ones as the glitter ones are fine but I have glitter nail polish... I will post more photos when I get a bit better at putting them on...

Today, I bought a pair of Cozy's drum sticks. Only set me back £70. I was willing to pay up to £300. Very excited about those arriving.

Trying to decide if I need more high heels. Probably not but I am sure I will end up buying them.

What else is new? Oh yeah, I have a guy at work bothering me. Like REALLY bothering me. He's being really quite aggressive with me and asked me to go home with him tonight. Oh fuck no. I miss normal men...

Raw is going well. Start Zumba again at the weekend. Picking out a new laptop... So yeah. Nothing happening really...